Austin's camera rant!

"I'm guessing you don't realise how silly you look crouching down there on the carpet!! So don't come crying to me when you dislocate your hip and put your back out! And anyway why are you using your phone to take a picture? Phones are for talking to cold callers from somewhere unpronounceable (no I don't want to buy a timeshare in Ulan Bator?) and automated helplines - press 1 if you want kalashnikov sales; press 2 if you want to self destruct ... !

You could at least try and find the proper camera - the one with 956 different settings, but you only ever use "auto". The one with that button on the side.

You know, THAT button!

The one you don't know what it's for, but are afraid if you press it, you might start a war in the Middle East or something!

Yes THAT camera!

The camera that you accidentally deleted 18,329 images of me doing really interesting things like yogic napping and underwater origami. Now the world will never know what they missed."

The world breathes a collective sigh of relief.

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origami - a herb popular in Japan

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"Extra, Extra!"

Read all about it!

Rescued from the jaws of death!

Looking a bit bedraggled, but insisting she was fine, this young female sparrow today admitted that it was a close thing when she was randomly attacked by a black and white furry quadruped. Luckily she was rescued by a passing male biped who, in true superhero fashion, after placing her safely in a nearby hedge, quickly disappeared into the gathering crowd and has not been seen since.

Information is scarce, but local intelligence say the description of the perpetrator of this detestable and heinous crime matches one Austin Tuxedo, a gangster and nip dealer who is well known in the area.

If you see anyone matching this description, please notify the authorities immediately. Do not approach as the perp could be clawed and extremely dangerous.

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NB Sammy of One Spoiled Cat is celebrating his blogaversary tomorrow and he is having a "Best PJ" contest as part of the festivities. Austin has entered in his Yogi Bear onesie (prolly trying to escape justice), so if you've got a moment perhaps you could go vote (ok, not necessarily for Austin, as he has been a very naughty boy;) and wish Sammy a happy blogaversary at the same time. Here is the show-off perp contestant at Heathrow airport departure lounge wearing his outfit and ready to groove! It's Jive Kitty and the Jazz Paws!

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detestable, de-test-table - where you sit to take de test

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Aftermath, Algebra, Apology and Awards

OK! Here we are! It was hard work after such a mega pawty, but when I eventually came to got The Staff out of bed, we counted up all the comments on Blogger and Facebook and the total number of comments was 82.

So we've looked in our wallets and piggy banks and checked down the back of the sofa and we have managed to cough up £41, two cat toys and a fluffy throat lozenge. We had to apply some algebra and this is how we reached our final figure:

82 × 50 ≍ w + pb + 2ct - ftl = (41 + 2ct)

100

Simples!?  So many thanks to everyone who took the time to come and wish me a happy birthday. £41 and 2 cat toys go to Freshfields. Your participation counts :) 

APOLOGY

I do believe I need to upbraid and then possibly upgrade my Staff Person. Ages ago I won a contest at Mr Puddy's, but I didn't know this as she kept it from me! The prize she chose was a specially designed birthday card for me!

Isn't it great! I love the little sheep dancing :)

Thank you so much Mr Poot, you are one of my oldest buddies and I can only apologise for the complete lack of office skills and manners on the part of my menial!

AWARDS

It has also come to my notice this very same menial has been accepting awards on my behalf and then stockpiling them "somewhere safe" and consequently forgetting about them!!  This is unacceptable! So she has been duly chastised (she was shown the Rump of Retribution) and will now try to rectify before she is upbraided and upgraded.

We are indeed honoured to receive:

From

My Mini Pet Pig

initiated by Nerrisa

From

My Three Moggies

From

Devoted to Willow

From
The J-Cats and
Travelling Cats

From

Pawsitively Pets

There are rules attached to these awards and again I had to apply some algebra to solve the math involved

x = 5 x 11 + 7 - y²

n

However, I am guessing, that even if you've managed to read this far, you've probably just about lost the will to live! The main thing is I have linked back to the kind people who awarded us, so now all I am going to do is thank everyone very much and go and see about a replacement menial.

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aftermath, after-math - a moment of relief following the completion of a complicated mathematical problem

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The Loot!

I had the best day on my birthday. I want to thank everyone who came by and joined in the fun and who sent cards and greetings! It was fantastilishus of you all!! 

I have asked The Staff if she would add up all the individual comments on my birthday post plus those on her facebook page and give a 50p donation per comment to my favourite animal rescue, which, of course, is Freshfields! She needs all her fingers and all my claws to count it up, so I will tell you the final amount next post!

Anyways, on Wednesday The Staff surprised me with a package from Mollie and Alfie's shop!  It was a box. At first I didn't realise there was anything IN the box. I thought it WAS the box!

You can view the video on YouTube here

 There were treats and toys and …. treats!

A whole pile of stuff

Here is an undoctored video complete with some humans chortling and me giving with the nip sneeze!

You can view it on YouTube here

But I still love the box!

I even got one of Alfie's famous nip matz :)

Most of all I really love love LOVE my nip sausage thingy!

Don't even think about it!!

Many thanks to Mollie and Alfie and mum Stella for rushing the fabulous box of goodies here in time for the celebrations. Go pay them a visit, even though I am sure everyone already knows them. They are world famous ;)

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assess, ass-ess (prop. noun) - female donkey

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It's my birthday!

WOW! Just for me!

First of all

I have been sent some lovely cards from some very good friends!

From the Three Moggies (high fives!)

From Sammy (mancat hugs!)

From Nellie xx

From Savannah xx

I'm chuffed to bits!

Thank you very much guys xxxx

Now let's get the show on the road!

Please help yourself to a niptini cocktail

or a brewski

Ahem! Looks like Spitty has been here a while already!!

Tuck into some tuna

ooops!

I mean...

there are also some canapes (for the ladies!)

and that traditional British favourite …
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..Chicken Tikka Masala!

 frankly, it looks like something that's been eaten already!
No I'm having...
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..good old fish and chips!

(can I hear the gentle sound of a thousand feline jaws chomping?)

When you've eaten enough...
There will be dancing!!

But first…..

Ahhhh! Sassy
You came!

Excuse us folks! You carry on. We have some meowing to do!

Thank you all for coming!

PS I had a bucket load of stuff in the post for my birthday!! I will show you the loot gifts next time!

PPS Please remember my pal Nerissa today as he is having major surgery on his leg. He is being very brave about it, but I am sure he would love it if you sent purrs, prayers and good thoughts his way.

>^..^<

It's very kind ……...

…BUT……

The Staff has very thoughtfully sprinkled this all over my al fresco privy. Have to say it's certainly enriched my bathroom experience. Makes the hole digging part of it very enjoyable indeed!

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Don't forget, everyone is invited to my 6th birthday bash next Wednesday (1st May). There will be fun and frolics, as well as a niptini or two for the ladies and some brewskies for the chaps!

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Al Fresco - A famous Italian painter and decorator   

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What on Earth Day?!!

Weelllll …

Here's some earth!

 To be honest..

..I am not quite sure what Earth Day is?

 But I am told we celebrate it today

I know it's nice for growing things

and for .. errr .. um ... en suite facilities!

but I think there is more to it than that!

I apparently need to reduce my carbon pawprint??

Mum says I could start my reducing the number of furs I leave lying around!

*sigh*

Happy Earth Day!

Let's be kind to it :)

If you want to know where I am today, then you need to go over to Nellie's place.  Me and a few of my pals have put a new spin on things!

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shamrock, sham-rock - not real rock

shampoo, sham-poo - not real poo … (ahem!) a liquid preparation for washing hair :-)

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