Saturday 27 August 2011

The Grumpy Cat Guide

After getting on for some four years of being in my employ, I have discovered some interesting character flaws in my human which are far from benign. I have enumerated some of them below. It might be of use to others of the feline persuasion as they consider taking on new staff.

1) She is given to bouts of bellicosity which is not attractive in a furless biped - especially as it's usually my belli she's trying to get cosi with!

2) She refuses to acknowledge her lowly state and struts around as if she owns the place.

3) She says no when she means yes

4) She is recalcitrant and obdurate and plenty of other long words, which means that a dictionary is a must have.

5) She has discovered her inner thwart and uses it at every opportunity. It is particularly galling when one is disemboweling lunch on the living room carpet to discover that a senior staff member is a thwarter.

I have decided that silent nagging is generally the best option along with some tacit tail flicking. Feigning indifference doesn't actually make any difference, but it gives me some catisfaction and her something to write about on her infernal blog!

So there it is. My advice would be, at the rescue centre employment exchange never ever be taken in by sweet smiles and promises of catnip and cuddles. In the cold light of day if all they want you for is blog fodder, run to the nearest car engine and crawl in!!

Monday 22 August 2011

Saturday 20 August 2011

Very bad video .......

....... of Austin disguised as an apron. The apron has "APRON" written on it, just in case there is anyone who might mistake it for a cat or something! He is practicing being incognito. It's his job. That's what he does. He also has to kill, or at least seriously thwack, anything that passes, particularly bits of rolled up paper.

I think he also might be sulking. We need to talk at some juncture!

Monday 15 August 2011

Haiku Nil, Limerick Won

I can't write Haiku
about Austin the Feline.
Will do limerick.
Young Austin while stalking a mouse
Climbed up to the top of the house!
He got such a fright
As he fell from a height
And landed on top of a grouse
There was a young tabby called Tigger
Who ate Austin's food with some vigour.
He rushed at the bowl,
the poor starving soul,
Each day he was rounder and bigger.

We are worried about Austin's addiction
to treats - this causes some friction!
He clawed mother's thumb,
so was kicked up the b*m;
He then sulked and had a conNIPtion.

* Please note that no animal was harmed during the writing of these limericks, though the odd human was bloodied!

Tuesday 9 August 2011

Who's Irresistably Sweet?

Austin got this award from his pal Mr Puddy. Now they are both irresistibly sweet! It is a tough thing to come to terms with when you're a macho mancat. But like Mr P, Austin is a tux and tuxies are just irresistible anyway. It's just something you have to get used to. So thanks Mr P :) xx

Now the rules state that Austin has to say seven things about himself that are hitherto unknown, and then to pass award on to fifteen others. The first will be interesting from my point of view and the second will be impossible. So we'll deal with the interesting first before explaining the impossible.

Austin, the keyboard's all yours.

1) חגםנ הלכח φκλβδ φκλδξιθς ρθξη
(ok just making a small adjustment to the international keyboard button)

1) I'm not terribly good at learning new things, or at least that's the impression I work hard to convey. I live by the adage "Blessed is she who expecteth nothing, for she shall not be disappointed".

2) No one knows where I came from and I'm not about to let on now as I might be sent back and I like it here.

3) I have this thing about cleaning my right ear when I am having serious lap time. I can't help myself even though I try hard not to do it. It's comforting. She-who-knows-everything thinks I need help to overcome this compulsion, but I know she sucked her thumb until she was twenty-four. The words pot, kettle, black, come to mind!

4) I actually do know how to use the cat flap into the summerhouse, but I choose not to, as I like to make my senior human staff member trek up the garden to open the door as it is good for her.

5) My best pal is Tigger and he comes over and we hang out and chill together. Sometimes we fight and get on each other's nerves and sometimes I attack him all of a sudden like, so he doesn't get ideas about staying forever.

6) I am called Austin because I'm named after a make of car, apparently. When I was very little, I was cold so I climbed inside a car engine to keep warm. Bit silly really. All of a sudden my leg was bleeding and I was hurt. A vet mended it very nicely, but I have a bit of a lumpy place on my back. However, it doesn't hinder me climbing, jumping, scrapping, playing, patrolling, thinking, lounging, napping, stretching or scratching furniture. The only time I feel a twinge is when my human tries to make me go outside when it is cold.

7) I was fed up with my compact and bijou residence in the conservatory, so I kicked up such a fuss that now I have the run of the whole house all day AND ALL NIGHT!!! Hehehehehe!

It's me, the mere human again. Hmmmmm. Slightly more revealing than I felt was absolutely necessary!  

Now as to passing on to fifteen worthy blogs. I've thought and thought and decided that as every blog I visit is irresistible and/or sweet, all of you are worthy of the award, so take it if you would like to have it.  I know, I know. Cop out. But hey, I'm only human 

Thursday 4 August 2011

In which Austin is very helpful in the garden

 If you just dig the hole about .... here!

When you've done that, come this way, there's a clematis that needs some attention ....

Ok, in your own time!

It's only a darn hole. A cat could grow old waiting. Oooh! our paws are touching!

A little bit of tail tickle behind the knee usually gets him moving!


Here are a couple of shots of Austin's crocosmia hideaway

The bush is stunning when in full colour, but has sadly reached the end of its season. I dread to think what the cats get up to behind there!!

If Mr Puddy should swing by, Austin is still working on his seven things and he can't be hurried!!!!