Boxing Day

There is something wrong with this picture!

Hmmmph!!!

Arraghuph!!!

Ah! That's better. The status has returned to quo.
Alien Eyes triumphs again!

A CATachresis Christmas

Here at CATachresis we have been very busy getting ready for Christmas and to that end Austin and I have worked together as a team to bring you our Christmas card.  ♪Dadaaahhhh♪ .......  


Errr as you can see, it wasn't the smoothest of photo shoots!

Austin, if I could just ask you to ....

 ....look at the camera!

 ...not the wire please!

 Yes it smells lovely!

 that's a bauble thingy!

 Ahem!

 "Who's that outside?"

 Look! Martin's doing his bit!

Uh Uh!

*sigh*

"Really bored now!!!!"

Ok, here we go ....

I think this is the best we can do under the circumstances!

We would like to wish all our lovely friends and readers

A VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS

and a peaceful and healthy New Year!

PS For those who have not seen it, here is the video we made for Christmas about three years ago, and as only about 2½ people saw it, it's probably worth another showing :)

The Prodigal Tigger!

He's back! Calm as you like he wandered in after about three weeks AWOL! Absolutely nothing's changed, except his girth is seriously in need of an industrial strength corset!

"Thought I drop by for a bite of lunch"

 

"Wossat?"

"Oh hi Austin"

(Austin is delighted to see Tigger!!!!)

"Anyone else at home?"

"Come on mate, I haven't been gone that long. How about a wrestle for old times!"

"Oh well, if you're going to be like that…."

"…I hear Big Ginge is having chicken fajitas with home-made guacamole and salsa today." 

"To be honest your 

Felix-Senior-for-cats-7+years-fish-selection-in-jelly 

doesn't do it for me!"

So there you have it. Tigger is back and all is well with the world. I do believe he must have heard the collective call of the international cat bloggers nag-athon and just gave in to the inevitable. Austin and I thank you :)

"It weren't me, guv. Honest!"

What's a chap to do if something that smells so yummy 

"accidentally" falls to the floor?

First you sniff it…...

 .... then you roll in it…..

 …. then just as you're going in for the kill,

a two-legged furless miseryguts takes it away ….

… so you sulk big time… 

…. and the two-legged furless miseryguts relents ...

  

…and puts the end that's been pre-chewed in your dish!

RESULT!

Haiku at Christmas

Cat sits patiently

with some holly on his head.

Such indignity!

This is Austin preparing for the festive fun.
As you can see, he is from the "Bah Humbug" school of Christmas cheer!

By the way we haven't seen Tigger for at least two weeks now and are getting quite concerned. For those who are not up to speed, Tigger is Austin's buddy and you can read about him on the "Meet the Gang" page. It's true we often don't see him at the house for several days, but it's never been this long! So we are wondering if he's moved away, or maybe (hopefully) his staff have just gone on holiday and have temporarily incarcerated him in a cattery or something!

Tigger, come back soon. We miss you :(

Austin is quite lonely. He's got no one to fight with, 
except Big Ginge from down the road and this beleaguered human!

A Senior Moment!

 What do we have here?

I know it's MY lunch as my brother Felix was the poser for the pic

so we have to support him.

Boy is he ever a poser. I'm sure he's been airbrushed. That smile

ain't natural!

But what does it say here?

Senior? 7+ years?

Excuse me!

 Sorry Austin, It's my new specs. 
I suppose you won't believe it if I say it's because
you're very mature for your age?

Give me strength!

She'll have me in the old cat's home with all my teeth out 
sucking on kibble before I'm 5 at this rate! 

That Awkward Moment ..........

..... when I call Austin to come for no good reason, or he thinks I've called him to come and I haven't and as he tends to come when called, he comes. And all I've been doing is whistling to myself and sucking my teeth. 


To explain. If you spend most nights hissing "Austin" outside the back door like I do, it does sound like you're trying to whistle through the gap between your two top central incisors. As the subconscious sibilant simulation is  quite therapeutic, I can catch Austin out on occasion just by whistling and sucking teeth in an inappropriate manner!


Anyway, he rushes up and says "Wot?" and I say "Oh, nothing!" Then of course we both feel a bit stupid and spend some time hurrumphing and clearing throats and not catching each other's eye. It's a bit embarrassing to say the least!

The Mouse Therapist

We were still at an impasse over the "going out" thing. Mornings were ok, even if it was dark; but evenings? Nope! He would cross his legs until about 5 a.m. This is when I trip up over him as I'm stumbling to the bathroom and he's been standing guard outside my bedroom door for the past five hours. Conversation as follows:

Austin: Me-ouch!
Me: Why do you always place yourself where I'm going to tread?
Austin: Thought you would see me!
Me: Well I didn't!
Austin: You should have known I was here.
Me: Why should I?
Austin: I want to go out.
Me: Well you can't.
Austin: Why not?
Me: Because you can't! And anyway you should have gone last night!
Austin: You're going now!
Me: Use your litter tray.
Austin: Prefer outside privvy.
Me: Well I don't, so budge off!

He looks at me as if I'm Cruella DeVil but without the compassion! We need a plan B. So ……

…..later on that day when it gets dark, enter…...

…..Martin the Mouse Therapist

It was love at first sight….

"I love you sooooo much"

"Let's play death-watch-mousie"

"I watch you with my evil eye and you die, kay?"

But Martin had a little secret that Austin didn't know. His nose had strange powers. It lit up powerful red and beamed and darted all across the floor.

This drove Austin crazynuts so he chased it all around and up and down. 
All over the living room, up and down, up and down. 
He chased down the stairs, down and down. 
Along the hall, up and down, up and down.
He raced from the bedroom all the way along to the front door, up and down, up and down, up and down ….. and …….. open the door and …… outside!!!  
Close the door. 
"See you later Austin"!
"Hey?" 
Result!
Game set and match to Martin I think …. except Martin has now stopped beaming and darting!  But Austin is back to his old self and can't see what all the fuss was about!!

It's a bit galling when ........

....... your all-in-one printer/scanner/copier has more of a social life than you do!

It is so state of the art that it comes with its own email address and games console! It gets messages in the night and downloads apps. I can't be sure, but I think it might be GPS enabled and spying for the KGB!

It's so independent that I reckon it's out surfing the interwebs, networking with all the other "all-in-ones" and plotting to take over the world on Facebook!

I'm terrified of it! It seems to turn itself on and off willy-nilly and plays a merry little tune before it coughs, heaves a little sigh and goes quiet. Then just when I think it's safe it decides I should play a game of Sudoku when actually what I really want to do is sort out the scanner settings!

It is also wifi enabled so there is no plug involved. I could be in another room minding my own business on the iPad, accidentally fumble and rest my thumb on "print" and end up with the complete works of Shakespeare on single sided A4 white, when all I wanted was to download the latest freebie from Amazon. And what the wingdings is a proxy port?
 

It copies, sorts photos, scans, sings, dances and does impressions. The one thing it doesn't do is print what I want!

An Extraordinary Book!

Book Review - The Chronicles of Zee & Zoey, A Journey of the Extraordinarily Ordinary

I am delighted to have the opportunity to review this book now Austin has given it his very positive considered opinion; here are my thoughts.


To handle it's a lovely weighty tome even though it has a soft cover and visually it is stunning. This is because each glossy page is a well thought out piece of art combining narrative, graphics and photos (the latter beautifully taken and produced by Deb's fiancé, Dan Power). The attention to detail shows this is a labour of love. Also it is funny!

What is it about? At the centre of the story is the love affair (no, it really is!) between Zee, a characterful and lovable Maine Coon (being a Brit I had to look that up in Wiki) and Zoey a beautiful strong willed, but tiny, Bengal. Because of the subject matter I thought it might be a bit twee, but to my delight it is anything but!  The story takes off when the kitty liaison accidentally produces four kittens after Deb misses the narrow window of opportunity to get the cats "seen to"!  When she starts sending weekly kitten update emails to friends and family, there gradually forms a germ of an idea for a book.

Deb's own life events are interwoven into the story of Zee, Zoey and the kittens; her ups and downs, joys and sorrows; family, other pets, both past and present are all part of the patchwork of her life and are included in the narrative which adds depth and perspective.  

One major event is when both Deb and Dan are made redundant on the same day! The emotional and economic turmoil that inevitably follows and the way they deal with it shows great resilience and determination to overcome. The cats (and especially the growing kittens) are an intricate part of this process.  Deb has gained a great deal from interacting with her menagerie and her observations are insightful and humorous. She shows how our kitties can turn the ordinary life events into extraordinary experiences and how, seen through their eyes, we can embrace the simple and uncomplicated to enrich our lives.

When you come across a beautifully produced book like this, you might be forgiven for thinking that it's all about the pictures, and the words are somehow inferior or of secondary importance; but in this book both are of equal value. The writing is stand out and can stand alone, but to have both the stunning photos and the warm and amusing narrative is ... well, it's a two-for-one offer you can't refuse. It is unique!

Some random things I have gleaned from my reading of the book:

Cats don't care if you like them on facebook! 

Deb's gynaecologist thinks she is a certifiable nutter! 

Cats can switch on the tv and watch Jeopardy!

Fleas can be hilarious, but only when they have a death wish! 

Both Deb and Dan are allergic to their cats!
Oh and there is a brilliant chapter on Cattisms and Cattitudes. All cat owners will relate and laugh!


I could say a lot more, but hope this has whetted your appetite to want to check it out for yourself. It would make a terrific Christmas present. ..  just saying!

This is the first book by Deborah Barnes and I hope it won't be her last!

I suspect that all readers of my blog will enjoy it, whether they are cat people, dog people or people people!

You can reach Deborah and see plenty more of all the beautiful cats on the wonderful Zee & Zoey website. Check it out. You won't be disappointed :-)