Saturday 27 August 2011

The Grumpy Cat Guide

After getting on for some four years of being in my employ, I have discovered some interesting character flaws in my human which are far from benign. I have enumerated some of them below. It might be of use to others of the feline persuasion as they consider taking on new staff.


1) She is given to bouts of bellicosity which is not attractive in a furless biped - especially as it's usually my belli she's trying to get cosi with!


2) She refuses to acknowledge her lowly state and struts around as if she owns the place.


3) She says no when she means yes


4) She is recalcitrant and obdurate and plenty of other long words, which means that a dictionary is a must have.


5) She has discovered her inner thwart and uses it at every opportunity. It is particularly galling when one is disemboweling lunch on the living room carpet to discover that a senior staff member is a thwarter.


I have decided that silent nagging is generally the best option along with some tacit tail flicking. Feigning indifference doesn't actually make any difference, but it gives me some catisfaction and her something to write about on her infernal blog!


So there it is. My advice would be, at the rescue centre employment exchange never ever be taken in by sweet smiles and promises of catnip and cuddles. In the cold light of day if all they want you for is blog fodder, run to the nearest car engine and crawl in!!


23 comments:

  1. You know, sometimes the only option is the bum of disrespect. Such a pity, really.

    BELLICOSE!!! ha ha ha.

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  2. Hmm ... I think the cat kids are going to want to read this.

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  3. Austin,
    All of those points apply to my human too. But don't tell her I said this. Don't fancy living on the streets, in case she throws me out of the house. purrrrr *giggles*

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  4. Hahahaha.

    Not sure who to feel sorry for there. Sounds like a mutual grumpoff.
    :-)

    Bruvv xxx

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  5. Hmmmm! Don't think Austin realises his predicament is not unique? There could be a riot if word spread!!!

    "Grumpoff" Hehehehe!

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  6. Oh dear... thankfully my kitties are deeply embroiled in nap phase at this point of the day. I fear if they read this post, that a scathing respone would be warranted in an attack against me, as I am rife with the same types of glaring flaws as you, sweet Caro!! Not to mention, I have seven furbabies - the attack could be quite massive indeed!!

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  7. I think 3) "She says no when she means yes" is my favourite here...
    All lowly staff do that. We really do want you to scratch the furniture, chew the carpet, poop where you please and eat your food, our food and anything else you may come across :P

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  8. Deb, it's terrible being a flawed human! Keep your head down xox lol

    Sarah yep we are stupid as well as flawed lol x

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  9. I love #2. Wouldn't be great if we could learn a lesson from your cat! ha ha

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  10. Dominique, we have to if we want survive lol

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  11. We have no option but to distribute this manifesto amongst other cats.

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  12. Very good advice. All kitties should read this before hiring staff.

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  13. Yep. Better to be wise before the event >^,.^<

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  14. I have never seen such a complete listing of Staff observations and attendent problems as yet. This is excellent..compelling and true! I could have written it myself. We Cats have common complaints I see.

    Perhaps there is something one can do if we put our beautiful heads together...?

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  15. I think someone didn't get enough fancy feast. Tee hee.

    Emma and Buster

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  16. Admiral, Two heads are better, especially our two heads !! xox

    Emma & Buster, Hmmmm! Could be!

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  17. Maybe us cats should get together and start a mutiny!!

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  18. Good thinking Island Cats! Better hurry before my senior staff deletes this post. I can see she's getting antsy!!!

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  19. Welcome to the Tuxedo Gang Hideouyt! You talk about your human the way Nellie talks about our Mommy!
    Kozmo

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  20. If only we had a say in the hiring and training of the staff. Seems we just inherit them. AND their shortcomings. ; )

    Katie

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  21. I suspect we are on the cusp of a mutiny!!!!

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  22. My mom didn´t let me read the whole post :(
    She say´s that I just will learn moore things I don´t need to know ??!!

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