Monday, 9 November 2015

Gotcha Week Reflections (4) Applied Mathematics!


We are having a lot of fun (well I am:-) going back over the early days of Austin's takeover of presence in this house. Today's is a bit wordy, but most of the earlier blog posts were! It is from 20th February 2010 and is called Applied Mathematics. I believed that I had discovered the formula for successful cat pill administration! What do you think....?

=^oo^=

Now I realise I'm a bit OCD about giving Austin his flea gunk and worm pill, but one needs to prepare for this kind of confrontation.  I've gone on about the process at great length before, so won't go down that route again - well not too far!  However, the planets were once again in alignment and I had to do both at the same time(ish).  I've not had too much problem with the pill bit before, funnily enough; it's always been the flea potion that's caused such pain and discomfort (mostly mine)!  So this time we thought we'd do the pill first to ease us in gently.  Big mistake!   
This time it took several pairs of plastic gloves, one bottle of TCP, several plasters and twenty-four hours before the offending tablet was finally despatched down the correct orifice.  By then it had been pre-sucked, acquiring a thick coating of cat saliva plus black fur and beige shag pile.  I suppose it's all my fault as I'd lent him a book all about a cat, called Lucky, who belonged to a hypothetical physisist called Schrödinger.  Austin obviously now believes I wish him ill and has started a course in quantum mechanics and a torture diary. Talk about overreacting!.   
No amount of me calling "here kitty kitty," in a soft seductive voice will bring him out from behind the large-chair-in-the-corner-by-the-radiator.  Normally he'd be winding himself around my legs tripping me up and impeding my progress to the fridge, cupboard, sink or wherever - see Reflection post (3)!  And he growls!!! Oh yes he does; from the safety of his hidey-hole he becomes the King of the Jungle.  It's quite a terrifying sound coming from such a small creature.  So while he's morphing into Mufasa, all I can do is weakly squeak the refrain from Hakuna Matata and wait patiently until starvation, bladder urgency or a "wave function collapse" draws him out.    
While I'm waiting, I whip out my compass, protractor and slide rule to determine the correct angle for administering the pill.  I've realised, after all the failed attempts it is vital that the angle of trajectory is correct, so the point of firing and the point of swallowing have to be plotted to within 0.001/100th of a degree.  I consult my copy of Euclid's Elements (courtesy of Ruislip Library, date due for return Dec 1975) to obtain the most exact measurements possible.  
I believe I am now prepared, so I leave the vicinity of the cat.  Austin eventually emerges. I stop breathing.  He becomes "low-slung" and skulks round the side of the room. He sticks his head out the door.  Ha! Got him! Executing a perfect a pincer movement, I pounce from behind, while elderly mother smiles at him menacingly as she bears down from the front. Working as one, we scoop him up, wrench open his jaw, angle the pill (47.1768 °) and "fire".  The optimal circumference of the gape also has to be gauged and is crucial to a successful outcome.  Being the altruistic and thoughtful person I am I've calculated the following equation for those who would like replicate my thesis and apply in their own situation.     
(∑pf) + (φps) x 47.1768 ÷ ∃!v + ∫at x πr²
So now you know!  When it came to the formula for flea gunk application to the back of the neck, the equation was much more simple.  
 Broken ampule + parted fur = job done 
Schrödinger could have made it a lot easier on himself, hypothetically!

=^oo^=


hypothetical - supposed but not necessarily real or true e.g. Austin supposes that when I put on full body armour and up my life insurance monthly premium that he's going to get it in the neck..... Oh wait ........ !

=^oo^=

37 comments:

  1. The early days of figuring out the best way to handle we felines when it comes to pilling/shots/treatments of ANY KIND can be rather - er - um - dangerous and bloody. But once you get a system down, we MOSTLY cooperate - we just want you to understand we're not happy about it!

    Hugs, Sammy

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  2. I hope things have improved over the years. I used to fight pills, but now I have one twice a day, I just sit and meekly take it. I do have a little moan of disapproval first though. No-one, not even the vets could ever successfully pill Eric.

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  3. Arghhh!!! I got the catchpa or whatever it is called. I only had to tick to say I was not a robot though.

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    1. Folk have been complaining about that last few days! I haven't had it yet. I think there has been a cyber attack on Google! :(

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  4. Austin, this is the absolute best ever! I have not seen either feline operation described better than this.
    Mom is a pure coward and HIRES someone to pill me! *sticks out ample chest in pride* And as for parting of the fur...she dreads it mostly because I act as though I have been burnt or something of that nature.
    XXOO

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  5. Replies
    1. You could probably earn a lot of money if you elaborate this posting a bit. I could imagine millions of desperate cat owners who want that formula.

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  6. Always hated giving pills to our cats and opted for shots where I could... cats and horses. Funny about the flea potion. Z hated that stuff and just freaked out when she knew CH and I were joining forces to get it on her. I think it was the smell. She always knew way ahead when we were going to do it. After I got it on her she ran away and shook like a dog shaking off water, also spent most of the day trying to lick it off. Made me a wreck to have to put it on her! Too bad I didn't read this post first... :)

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    1. Since I wrote this, Austin has had to get his flea dose via injection, which he gets every six months! He used to react quite badly afterwards, it didn't matter which one it was on the neck!

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  7. Great post. Better than Schrodinger because either way the cat is alive :) Not sure about the human though..

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  8. MOL! Oh the effort humans go through to try and pill us cats! The mom usually has good success with Wally and Zoey, but I put up a struggle. The mom now gets my pills made into flavored treats so I will take them easier. ~Ernie

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  9. The cat takes the pills with ease, Cassie, not a chance. Flea stuff they both hate though.

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  10. BOL, brilliant post - so funny!
    Cats and pills do not go together. Our cat used to be able to smell a microgram of tablet in a dish full of cat food and would accordingly eat around it and leave the little spot with it in.
    We have also had those Freddy Kruger moments where he definitely won!
    Dip and Elliot x

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  11. Mum gets spot on from our vets but her friend has to help Mum to administer this as she can't manage to hold 2 squirming cats with 23 legs each and open the spot on and part the fur on the back of their necks and squeeze the tube. The good news is it only gets done every 3 months now!!
    Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

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  12. Dang, I take my 6 pills each day without a fuss. I must have used the wrong formula Austin!

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  13. I hope you had a nice Gotcha Day Austin! I have not had to give Callie a pill yet. I am pretty good at pilling cats, but I bet she would be hard to do MOL.

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  14. Most of us hate the flea stuff as much as a pill. We can smell it coming and take off for places far away. Do like this story though of your Mom Austin. Good boy for putting up a good fight.

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  15. ohhhhhhhhhhhh no I have a headache...mathematics and pills in the same sentence...I'm running for the hills
    Hugs madi your bfff

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  16. Ha-ha, Austin really gave you a time with the pill thing! I am beginning to think we are too easy.

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  17. Oh my goodness, this is so funny!! The lady would use the formula only she's such a putz when it comes to math. I'm sure that goes in our favor. Fortunately, we haven't had to have flea stuff applied (yet).

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  18. Love older posts! MOL And that was so funny, and true! So hard to pill a cat who doesn't want to be pilled!

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  19. You showed her, Austin ! Angel Loupi hated flea stuff too. Purrs

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  20. What an ordeal. It's amazing how a small four legged cat can transmogrify into a furry being with teeth of a shark equipped with a countless number of small knives!
    Hope Austin stays healthy...
    xxoo
    Maggie

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  21. dood....all we can say iz.......yur mumz WAY better at math N we iz..... we iz still tryin ta figure out; (φps)

    N tell her ta look in two diatomaceous earth....{ hole lee be jezuz....wood ya look at de werd that just came outta uz !!!! }

    ♥♥♥

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  22. MOL! Austin, good job making her work on that pill thing! We were rooting for you while our mommy was giggling! She's weird.

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  23. The final photo was hysterical as was the entire post. Our mom and dad have an awful time with that flea gunk. As soon as we hear them puncture that ampule we are pressed against the wall OTB. We really are enjoying these flashbacks. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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  24. HAH! You’re my idol after reading this piece Austin!

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  25. Oh my mouses! You really do make your peeps work, huh Austin? At my house, when it comes to the back of the neck dabs for fleas, Peep #1 sneaks up on us. Yeah, she's a sneaky peep, to be sure.

    Purrs,
    Seville

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  26. Oh my mouses! You really do make your peeps work, huh Austin? At my house, when it comes to the back of the neck dabs for fleas, Peep #1 sneaks up on us. Yeah, she's a sneaky peep, to be sure.

    Purrs,
    Seville

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  27. MOL Mommy sez she feels fur ya' and wishes everypawdy kuld have a kitty like us. We actually meow loudly wiff excitement to get our medicine pill pushed down our fwoats. MOL

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Lexi

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  28. I refuse any kind of pill, Austin, and when Granny puts it in my food, I am on hunger strike :D Pawkisses :) <3

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  29. OMG so glad the boys don't need pills! The Girls all just take theirs in whipped creme. Sweet Alyce would take hers in a bit of stinky goodness like an Angel :)

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  30. Deer Aunty CAro it sounds like yur berry clevurr to reed dem Quantum Fizz-ickss an try to do Al-gee-bra an Trigger-nometree just to give Unccle Austin a pill......
    An thee flee treetmint iss all ways fun! LadyMum manages to get it efurrywhere on mee.....fankfully mee not getting any till next may...
    Shee will of course furget how to do it rite an then wee has to start thee reetrainin all over again....**rollss eyess**
    Poor LadyMum! Keep up thee math classess Aunty....yur a naturelle!
    ***nose kissesss*** neffkitty Siddhartha Henry xXXx

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  31. so far, no pill popping has been done to me; but I hear them talking that maybe they will try...*bites claw worried*

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