Tuesday 10 May 2011

Just an ordinary cat.

Having recently finished reading the amazing story of Homer the Blind Wonder Cat, I have had to face up to the fact that Austin, much as I love him, is just a fair-to-middling kind of puss.

Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that his eyes and ears are working. Ok, he has a wonky hip, but it doesn't seem to hinder him jumping and wriggling - in fact he's quite a bendy cat. But when it comes to getting up to mischief, he seems to be missing a gene or two. For instance he doesn't seem particularly curious about dark holes, warm linen cupboards or the inner workings of the washing machine, and after 3 and a bit years his trips over the road in front of the house can be counted on one hand (as far as I know!)

To my certain knowledge, he's only done one roof walk and I think that's because he scared himself too much to try anything like it again. He freaks at the sound of rustling, but is quite chilled when Henry the Hoover is doing his dance with the long tail thingy. He does draw the line, though, at being frisked by Harry the Handheld when I try to cut corners during the Big Moult!

He comes when called. I suppose that's quite unusual. Oh and there is, of course, the B-R-U-S-H habit. I get the hint (several times a day) when he rushes and headbutts the drawer where the B-R-U-S-H is kept. There follows much creaking of knees (mine) and deafening purrs (his) as we play out the ritual of the all over body massage and whisker realigning. This activity is his drug of choice nowadays and is rated way above catnip and fabric conditioner! This I know I've mentioned before! He even lets me B-R-U-S-H his tummy without giving in to the temptation to maul my hand. He's realised there is a law called "effect and cause" - if he effects scratchy/bitey, it will cause me to leak red stuff and stop.

This detente doesn't extend to cuddling though. I so wanted a cat to cuddle at will. Sadly, it is not to be. He is the cuddler and I am the cuddlee. This has meant, over the years, that harsh words, bites and claws have been exchanged on many occasion. In fact I've pawsed in the narrative to go and test this once again, only to emerge with a thick lip and a bloody nose :(

Yet when he wants cuddles, there is nothing I can do except sit and receive his love and droolly nuzzles. If I don't sit, he nags. Oh yes he does! He's found that verbal bullying gives him a buzz and me an earache. I give in and he positions himself so he's well wedged between my knees with his front paws stretched out around my ankles, so that the slightest movement results in a piercing of the flesh quickly followed by a piercing shriek!

Austin's verbal dexterity is quite well developed. I have seen the little cogs working in his brain from day one:

Humans are so thick, they don't understand the subtle nuances of cat body language.

Humans need upgrading.

If Microsoft had created the human, it would still be the beta version - plenty of bugs and needing patches!

We cats are already alpha ++

It is obvious that humans have not participated in the evolutionary process in quite the same way as we cats. They are barely on the first rung of the ladder. We cats have managed to claw our way up to the top rung and can look out rather imperiously over our catdom. Humans, however, are still at the point of searching out the recipe for primeval soup.

So we cats need to exhibit extreme patience while we educate, elucidate, enlighten ..... and, if all that fails ........ MEOW very LOUDLY!

Actually Austin seems to have things pretty well sussed for just an ordinary cat!

Oooops! Our highly evolved superhero seems to have his head wedged under the bookcase!


  1. It appears that he's got you, the inferior life form, sussed. Too bad he didn't get the opposable thumbs...

  2. KL - He's got opposable whiskers instead :)

  3. I feel sure I've said this before but.....Austin is NO ordinary cat!! and far from 'fair to middling'. I can hardly believe he's graced (well maybe sometimes disgraced) 'Crink Towers' for just over 3 years!! I just love reading about him, his feline friend/s and the real people in his life....

  4. Austin, you are so verbal! Have you considered teaching?

    I think it is cute that Austin knows where the b-r-u-s-h is and demands it!

  5. Nope. Austin can't be just an ordinary feline. He's beyond ordinary. Seeming ordinary is just a ruse so humans won't know any better. purrr....meow!

  6. I agree. His apparent "ordinary" is a double bluff.


    (evil cat laugh)


  7. Lol Maggie, "Crink Towers" has been disgraced by his presence for it seems like forever!

    Ann When we discussed his career prospects and consulted your excellent guide, funnily enough teaching was well down the list behind such occupations as drama queen, dictator and operatic diva!

    C-in-S you are right, I am convinced.

  8. Oh Hi Si :>) you snuck in! Yeah! I am all bluffed out with his shenanigans x

  9. Austin puts me in mind of a cat I used to know called Kizzy. Her owner (well, one of the, she was a family pet) was a twit but Kizzy was far more entertaining. Yet whenever I wanted to cuddle her she'd walk off looking mildly disgusted, as if I had somehow polluted her personal air space. Then later she'd turn into a diva of a cat! She's sit on someone's knee and demand the most careful attention (while clawing chosen person's clothing).

    She had a "thing" for plastic bags, the really crunchy supermarket ones. She'd locate the desired bag, throw herself onto it and writhe around on it to make it crunch. Strange creatures, cats...

  10. A purrogative to please? I think not sirrah!

    Ahhh dear, I wish he could write poetry. It'd be amazingly snooty!

  11. Sarah yep owner's definitely a twit lolol and cats are strange. No argument here x

    Davy Austin CAN write poetry, he just chooses not to :P x

  12. Well, let's put it this way: would you allow your cat to be around bleach? I hear it's lethal to cats. But Kizzy's owner had no problem with her being in the bathroom after it was bleached and cleaned...not good :/

    "Twit" is being somewhat polite.

    In your case, I think you're the perfect pet owner!

  13. Bleach IS lethal to cats!!! I think you were definitely being polite. Some people shouldn't be allowed anywhere near animals!

    Thanks .... x

  14. If I had known at the time I'd have smacked her owner upside the head!! As it happens I only found out later though Layla since she studied animal care for years. No wonder Kizzy looked high all the time...


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