Just an ordinary cat.

Having recently finished reading the amazing story of Homer the Blind Wonder Cat, I have had to face up to the fact that Austin, much as I love him, is just a fair-to-middling kind of puss.

Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that his eyes and ears are working. Ok, he has a wonky hip, but it doesn't seem to hinder him jumping and wriggling - in fact he's quite a bendy cat. But when it comes to getting up to mischief, he seems to be missing a gene or two. For instance he doesn't seem particularly curious about dark holes, warm linen cupboards or the inner workings of the washing machine, and after 3 and a bit years his trips over the road in front of the house can be counted on one hand (as far as I know!)

To my certain knowledge, he's only done one roof walk and I think that's because he scared himself too much to try anything like it again. He freaks at the sound of rustling, but is quite chilled when Henry the Hoover is doing his dance with the long tail thingy. He does draw the line, though, at being frisked by Harry the Handheld when I try to cut corners during the Big Moult!

He comes when called. I suppose that's quite unusual. Oh and there is, of course, the B-R-U-S-H habit. I get the hint (several times a day) when he rushes and headbutts the drawer where the B-R-U-S-H is kept. There follows much creaking of knees (mine) and deafening purrs (his) as we play out the ritual of the all over body massage and whisker realigning. This activity is his drug of choice nowadays and is rated way above catnip and fabric conditioner! This I know I've mentioned before! He even lets me B-R-U-S-H his tummy without giving in to the temptation to maul my hand. He's realised there is a law called "effect and cause" - if he effects scratchy/bitey, it will cause me to leak red stuff and stop.

This detente doesn't extend to cuddling though. I so wanted a cat to cuddle at will. Sadly, it is not to be. He is the cuddler and I am the cuddlee. This has meant, over the years, that harsh words, bites and claws have been exchanged on many occasion. In fact I've pawsed in the narrative to go and test this once again, only to emerge with a thick lip and a bloody nose :(

Yet when he wants cuddles, there is nothing I can do except sit and receive his love and droolly nuzzles. If I don't sit, he nags. Oh yes he does! He's found that verbal bullying gives him a buzz and me an earache. I give in and he positions himself so he's well wedged between my knees with his front paws stretched out around my ankles, so that the slightest movement results in a piercing of the flesh quickly followed by a piercing shriek!

Austin's verbal dexterity is quite well developed. I have seen the little cogs working in his brain from day one:

Humans are so thick, they don't understand the subtle nuances of cat body language.

Humans need upgrading.

If Microsoft had created the human, it would still be the beta version - plenty of bugs and needing patches!

We cats are already alpha ++

It is obvious that humans have not participated in the evolutionary process in quite the same way as we cats. They are barely on the first rung of the ladder. We cats have managed to claw our way up to the top rung and can look out rather imperiously over our catdom. Humans, however, are still at the point of searching out the recipe for primeval soup.

So we cats need to exhibit extreme patience while we educate, elucidate, enlighten ..... and, if all that fails ........ MEOW very LOUDLY!

Actually Austin seems to have things pretty well sussed for just an ordinary cat!



Oooops! Our highly evolved superhero seems to have his head wedged under the bookcase!