Road Rage!

My cat stomps! Oh yes he surely does!  Never heard anything like it; he makes walking across the kitchen sound like a pneumatic drill going full pelt! 

I'm downstairs minding my own business trying to be quiet and reflective and upstairs Austin's deciding he needs some attention. How can it be that he makes such a racket?  All he is doing is walking across the floor, but to me downstairs, it sounds like the builders are in. Stomp, stomp STOMP!  I know what he wants. "Foooood".  It's ridiculous really, he hardly eats enough to keep a flea alive. But he likes to make a fuss just so's he gets a chance to wind in and out my legs and trip me up. 

To my deep consternation, Austin has developed a hankering to cross the road in front of the house.  Now, although it is a 30 mph speed limit, cars race along at 60 or 70!  I really don't want to have to go and scrape him off the road, but don't know, short of locking him up, what to do to stop him going!  He used to be such a scaredy cat, but now, egged on, I believe, by Tigger the Massive and enticed by the green fields and baby lambs opposite, he's finding temptation too much to overcome. 

A couple of times I've caught him sitting in the middle of the road!!  Aaaargh!  I know the council are supposed to be introducing traffic calming measures soon, but am not sure what form this will take? Is some poor lowly council employee going to have to stand at the side of the road with a tranquiliser gun taking pot shots at all passing vehicles?  I need to know, because if the training isn't top notch they might miss the target and hit something with legs!  It's all a bit of a worry!