Paws for Effect!

There was a young tuxie with socks,
who came from the school of hard knocks.
He laid out one day
in a flat sort of way,
And found that he'd misplaced his tocks!

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parliament - a place humans go to when they don't want to listen

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Fibrop ticks?

Hi! It's Austin here!

The Staff has been slightly more barmy strange peculiar weird chipper than usual! Not in a good way like this:

You can see the clip on YouTube here

No! She's been kind of jumping up and down a lot! Just by way of an aside, I have noted this is not good for the infrastructure, either hers or the house, you know what I'm saying? I wouldn't try and visualise it! Much too distressing!  She really needs to see someone about getting more bracing in her buttress if you get my drift!

Anyways, she's been going on and on about the fact that we are getting something called "fibrop ticks"!?? Now the only ticks I know are these:

The sticky kind! Yuk! However, I've never heard of the fibrop variety before!

Apparently these are virtual ones that roam the information superhighway and are from the species called elas-ticks! And it seems that in this part of Welsh Wales we are being upgraded from a Broad Elas-tick Band to a bigger and more efficient elas-tick band so it's quicker on the interwebs. This is called a Broad Fibrop-tick Band. It means that when The Staff clicks "send" on her keyboard to publish a blogpost, she won't have to sit for ages filing her nails or read War and Peace while she waits for Godot to arrive. It's so fast, it will reach where it's going before it's even left … allegedly!

So come June 13th she will have most likely wrecked the house, but at least she'll be able to scoot round cyberspace like a cat on nip. .. . . . Well we can but hope as the combination of BT incompetency and The Staff's defective brain cell might still scupper my plans for world domination!

>^,,^<

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buttress, butt-ress - a place where I can ress my butt

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Desolation

This picture from Associated Press shows a lady called Kay James sitting in her driveway cuddling her cat in a towel after her house was destroyed by the tornado in Moore, Oklahoma yesterday! I just found it very poignant and so sad! 

All our thoughts and prayers are with the people affected in this terrible devastation!

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Auction for Leo

We just want to remind you that there is an auction going on today over at Mollie and Alfie's to help raise money for treatment for Leo. You can read more about this sweet kitty and his struggles here. Please help if you can. Taeverso :) The auction is happening here.

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Taeverso, ta-ever-so - thank-you-very-much in "sarf lunndun" lingo  

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The Exotic Package!

The following movie is a serious attempt to highlight the severe drug problem that is pandemic amongst a certain class of feline.  (Ok, not exactly pandemic, but this particular drugged out feline wanted to use it as his word of the day -see below). It is not a pretty story and could be distressing for some viewers of a nervous disposition.  Yes it's true! Sadly, Austin has been lured over to the dark side by one Sassy Silvervine and I fear is probably lost to us forever!

The producer/director/editor of this documentary has left in the original background sound as there is a telling snigger snort cackle laugh near the end! The music is totally inappropriate for the seriousness of the subject matter, but the producer/director/editor really couldn't care less as she loves the track - the theme from Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries :)

Warning: there are scenes of blatant tuxie bikini exposure and (blink and you'll miss it) a fundamental revelation!  

You can watch the video on YouTube here

Wait a minute! There's also a message attached….

*sigh*

I think he is a gonna!

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pandemic, pan-demic - someone who is knowledgeable about pans

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Austin's camera rant!

"I'm guessing you don't realise how silly you look crouching down there on the carpet!! So don't come crying to me when you dislocate your hip and put your back out! And anyway why are you using your phone to take a picture? Phones are for talking to cold callers from somewhere unpronounceable (no I don't want to buy a timeshare in Ulan Bator?) and automated helplines - press 1 if you want kalashnikov sales; press 2 if you want to self destruct ... !

You could at least try and find the proper camera - the one with 956 different settings, but you only ever use "auto". The one with that button on the side.

You know, THAT button!

The one you don't know what it's for, but are afraid if you press it, you might start a war in the Middle East or something!

Yes THAT camera!

The camera that you accidentally deleted 18,329 images of me doing really interesting things like yogic napping and underwater origami. Now the world will never know what they missed."

The world breathes a collective sigh of relief.

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origami - a herb popular in Japan

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"Extra, Extra!"

Read all about it!

Rescued from the jaws of death!

Looking a bit bedraggled, but insisting she was fine, this young female sparrow today admitted that it was a close thing when she was randomly attacked by a black and white furry quadruped. Luckily she was rescued by a passing male biped who, in true superhero fashion, after placing her safely in a nearby hedge, quickly disappeared into the gathering crowd and has not been seen since.

Information is scarce, but local intelligence say the description of the perpetrator of this detestable and heinous crime matches one Austin Tuxedo, a gangster and nip dealer who is well known in the area.

If you see anyone matching this description, please notify the authorities immediately. Do not approach as the perp could be clawed and extremely dangerous.

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NB Sammy of One Spoiled Cat is celebrating his blogaversary tomorrow and he is having a "Best PJ" contest as part of the festivities. Austin has entered in his Yogi Bear onesie (prolly trying to escape justice), so if you've got a moment perhaps you could go vote (ok, not necessarily for Austin, as he has been a very naughty boy;) and wish Sammy a happy blogaversary at the same time. Here is the show-off perp contestant at Heathrow airport departure lounge wearing his outfit and ready to groove! It's Jive Kitty and the Jazz Paws!

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detestable, de-test-table - where you sit to take de test

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