Austin's new best friend!

I couldn't quite believe it, but not having noticed this little fella for weeks nestled amongst the ornaments, yesterday Austin suddenly perked up and started poking and nudging, with his eyes all big and excited.  Is it a love affair or does he see a rival here?  There's no knowing really, except he's very gentle with it!

Ritual and astrological flim-flam !

There is no doubt that Austin is a fine cat, especially with his winter coat. His fur is fluffy, his undercarriage is rotund and soft and he continues to love being brushed. We have got into a rather samey routine. At a specific time every night, just as I am coming to grips with the world situation courtesy of the BBC, he slinks into the room and disappears behind the curtain to survey his entire catdom for a moment or two out the window. When all is to his satisfaction, I hear a thud followed by a "chirrup" as he emerges through the curtain - sometimes he misses the gap and you can see the bumps as he "noses" along like some act at the Royal Variety that's missed it's cue!

Eventually his head appears and he strides purposefully across the floor, head low, his eyes giving the "look" that welds me to the chair as I (too late) try to avoid the subsequent assault on my person.  With another warning chirrup he hurls himself into my lap and starts his unique massage technique which nearly always results in some blood letting. When that is done to his satisfaction he snuggles himself down in his own personal overstuffed armchair (me!), his head thrust in the palm of one hand and his posterior wedged in the other.  He's quickly asleep making contented little cat sighs, moans and grunts until his dreams take over and the twitching, jerking and eye rolling begins.  By then he's forgotten where he is, so when his dream reaches the point of dénouement he rolls over on his back and - because I've become bored (or too horrified) with the world situation and my own head's nodding surreptitiously - the buttocks hand becomes somewhat relaxed. This causes his rear end to sag dangerously over the side of my leg and he topples to the floor and in doing so he adds several more puncture wounds to my already well-perforated thigh!  We both act surprised and there's a fair amount of clearing of throats and looking the other way in embarrassment!  I then have to console him with a brush and a tickle under the chin!

Throughout winter he's been very loathe to go outside, even in the day, but especially at night. This, I'm sure, was caused by a mixture of fireworks and high winds.  So now we have to go through the ritual of checking every window and door for potential danger.  There is no way I can bundle him outside without going through this tortuous process first.

(By the way have you ever noticed that it doesn't matter how disinclined a cat is to go outside, even when you unceremoniously dump them out the window, they still manage to end up look utterly bored, aloof and condescending with that "this-is-exactly-where-I-intended-to-be" air about them as they mince off into the undergrowth for a pee?)

Anyway these days it's got to the point that Austin practically has to consult his astrological chart before he ventures out.  So there is much discussion about aspect patterns and the ascendancy of Jupiter in the third house when Mars is rising on the cusp.  It's very exacting. I now know more about the Metonic Cycle than I ever wanted - or needed! Much as I want to just give him a kick up his Imum Coeli, I have to wait until his nodal chart is synthetic or some such thing!  Life is getting sooooo complicated ;>)

Rubbing along!

Here we are in a new year (new decade?) and Austin and I have had our little disagreements, but we are working through them with some help.  We fought the battle over where he should spend the night and eventually I won, but not without a few sleepless nights and arguments in the hallway. 

I would be more than happy to allow him to sleep on my bed (it's plenty big enough), but his nighttime habits are rather exhausting.  It would be ok if he slept the night away on his side of the bed, but (so like a man) he wants my bit as well!  And then there is this staring thing he does when he thinks I might be dead when I haven't moved for a nanosecond.  It's rather disconcerting to awake to a pair of green laser eyes pinning one to the bed, not to mention the odd poke in a facial orifice with a sharpened claw. 

So we tried letting him have the run of the house with the bedroom doors shut, but this led to rather furtive and fraught trips to the loo at 3 a.m. when leg crossing was no longer an option. It didn't matter how quiet I was, or how muted my oaths were when I stubbed my toe on the door because I couldn't turn the light on; there he was tucked up nice and warm under the duvet when I stumbled back into bed.  Purring very loudly with an oh so innocent aren't-I-gorgeous-how-can-you-resist expression as he rolls over onto his back and stretches out for a tickle and a scrunge.  What can I do but allow him his moment of glory before I drop kick him with my throbbing foot out into the hall. 

Anyway, eventually he and I had a little chat which involved full and frank exchanges (overseen by the arbitration service) and he eventually saw sense and conceded on the issue of sleeping arrangements.  However, there have been repercussions!  I have said before that Austin is not the brightest star in the firmament, but he has twigged that I'm not a morning person.  Now he's playing on that slight weakness in my character for all it's worth.  Ok I admit I'm not the one who generally lets him out in the morning, but he manages to either streak downstairs and hurl himself at my door, or, if he's unceremoniously tipped outside, he rushes around the side and jumps on my window sill and yowls at about 90 decibels.  He's louder and more efficient than any alarm.   I think he has an "oedipuss" complex! It must be his age. 

It's got to the point now where it's a bit unnerving as he follows me about everywhere.  But as (being a mere human) I don't follow an established route in the house or garden - especially if I'm doing chores or cooking - he's worn out and confused very quickly by my seemingly aimless wandering from kitchen drawer to living room cupboard, to drawer, to fridge, to sink, to cupboard, that now places himself in the middle of the landing at the top of the stairs, so he can watch, from his vantage point, my every move.  He then pretends to doze unconcernedly as I go about my business, but every now and then I catch a glimpse of one beady eye, watching ...... just watching!

The Boys!

Here are the boys on their favourite perch.  (Tigger's up top; as he always likes to be!).  I had to take the photo through the window rather surreptitiously, because if they'd seen me they would have jumped down (and probably knocked each other off the 5 inch wall!)

 

In fact Tigger had a rather nasty fall jumping down onto the wall the other week.  He slid off and landed very awkwardly on the lower wall.  I didn't see this, but it was very upsetting for the person who did (my mother)!  I'm not sure as to the extent of his injuries, but his face was screwed up and he couldn't eat!! So it must have been very bad.  Poor little chap :(  Anyway he disappeared and we worried for about a week until he turned up all of a sudden on the roof of the summerhouse!  Can't have been too much damage done thank goodness :)

The News Headlines - Lightning causes dandruff?

It's been a while since I last wrote a blog post.  The reasons are (not so) many and varied.  I was "lying on one side in my bed of sickness" for a lot of the time and was just glad the vicar didn't come and implore the Lord "to keep me there".  Doctor came though and did more or less the same thing.  Anyway during this time one would have expected a normal cat to be giving comfort with his furry presence on the bed.  Nope, there was none of that.  In fact Austin would not come anywhere near me until I was starting to feel better! 

Wonders if it's too late to replace him with a more compassionate model? 

You read of cats who live in care homes that go and sit on the bed of someone who is dying!  One can be thankful for small mercies, I guess!  Austin has changed though.  Over the last couple of months it's as if he's realised (at last) that he is a cat and therefore should jolly well start behaving like one.  Apart from filling out and losing his gawky gangly teenage look, he has also made one or two adjustments to his list of requirements.  Whereas before he would quite happily (on the whole) come when called and go out and come in at our behest, now he stamps his furry foot if I should even suggest he stick a delicate claw outside when he's not in the mood. 

In fact he's gone back to using the litter tray again after ignoring it disdainfully for about 18 months and trundling off to the outside privvy under the hebe bush.  But then who can blame him for wanting to exchange cold mud up the b*m for nice warm self-flushing wood chip - I mean you don't even have to go to all the trouble of digging a hole and then messing up your dainty paws by covering the deposit.  You turn your back and poof, it miraculously disappears.  The downside is that one tends to have an audience! 

He also, after two years of nary a complaint, has started to protest about being shut in the conservatory at night.  He was always an absolute delight when it came to nighttime shutdown.  Not any more.  I can hear him practically hurling himself at the conservatory door in his desperation to get out and when I give in and go and open the door at some ungodly hour, he decides to go all playful, rolling over and purring extremely loudly, I think he's going to burst with joy; he so hates to be alone.  Then of course he has the run of the house and spends the rest of the night making sure that we don't get a wink of sleep.  It's his mission in life now! 

To be honest I think he's been frightened by something.  He's always been a bit of a nervous cat, but lately he's been living permanently on tenterhooks.  Not a comfortable place to perch yourself that's for sure.  I have an inkling that Big Ginge has something to do with it.  He has taken to walking through our garden morning and evening and for some reason Austin takes this as a casus belli and runs for cover round the back of the sofa. 

Then of course we were struck by lightning a couple of weeks ago - oh yes we were!  Took out the electricity, phone line, two tvs and a Sky box not to mention my mother, who was on the phone at the time.  Damage to the latter was minimal, thankfully, but having her heart jump started when she really didn't need it was a little discombobulating for a lady pushing 80!  Happily she now seems perfectly ok;  though it could be my imagination, but she does seem to have more of a spring in her step now!  Anyway we are still in the throes of getting tvs and satelite equipment assessed and replaced. Oh and the conservatory has sprung another leak and developed a crack in the corner!  All things considered I suppose one can't really blame Austin for his desire to move out of his compact and bijou residence. 

Also he was outside somewhere when the lightning struck and became so fraught with nerves that he developed dandruff and had to go to the vet - well I didn't know it was dandruff!  He was prescribed vitamins which comes in drops and which I have to put in his food once a day!!!  The vet said "cats love the taste".  Yeah right!  This cat has got spitting out his food raised to an art form. 

Just wondering ......

It seems the more firmly Tigger thrusts his paws under the table, the more Austin doesn't like it!  In fact the other day the reaction from Austin was so bad I am becoming concerned about his mental state.  Now I know that it was Austin who brought Tigger in originally and as time's gone on I've just assumed that they were best buddies. Well they are!  I mean Austin doesn't do the growly thing when Tigger comes in the garden and over the weeks they've played and slept in the house with seemingly no acrimony.  However, I am now starting to wonder whether young Tigger - him with the balls bits errrr family jewels still about his person might just be a bit of a bully and maybe, just maybe is trying to take over the position of Top Cat by stealth!!!  Why do I think this? Well come in a bit closer and I'll tell you .... 

He's very patient; sits at the door practicing his extreme waiting technique to absolute purrfection. He doesn't demand to be let in - unlike Austin who's truculent meow can be heard way over the Straits in Bangor. I open the door and he's very polite with his "please" and "thank yous", before he rushes to the food dish and wolfs down the lot.  He then very slowly and quite delicately and looking everywhere except where he's going, slithers like a snake across the floor until he's within hopping distance of Austin's chief bed. Then with one small step for cat, but one giant leap for catkind, plonks himself decoratively on top the fleecy blanket.  Austin, meanwhile, is watching all this from behind the curtain as he (mistakenly, as it happens) thinks Tigger is going to pass by there.  He's completely thwarted and not a little embarrassed as he was all ready to pounce on the unsuspecting tabby. 

Now catiquette stipulates that there should be no pouncing, scratching, biting or thwacking when one of the protagonists is either a) eating or b) kipping.  Tigger, therefore, is proving himself to be an expert at scrap avoidance by making sure he's always seen to be doing one or the other when in the house. It's very frustrating for our little tux boy who, whilst Tigger's in the house eating his food and sleeping in his bed, is understandably a tad unsettled. So he shows his distress in various ways

a) prowling around and meowing at the top of his voice
b) tearing up the carpet in the corner by the radiator and at the bottom of the stairs
c) shredding the furniture, even though he knows he shouldn't. In fact he's very crafty about this one; he starts with the usual scratch scratch on the side of the sofa near the door, but when I reach for the water spray he runs round to the other side where I can't get him and after a moment of deafening quiet, starts shredding that side!  

Yesterday we had an incident - oh yes we did.  Looking out of the kitchen window I saw young Austin stuck on the roof of next door's conservatory (not the Bodgit and Scarper house, the other side!).  I watched as he prowled up and down the edge of the edifice trying to pluck up courage to jump across the yawning gap to the concrete wall that bordered the lawn.  He was very uncertain.  After a few minutes of fruitless pacing he stopped and moved back to the middle, sat down and started mewing pitifully. He looked so pathetic, so I made to go outside to try and encourage him to be a bit bolder, but by this time Tigger had arrived and was "waiting" to be let in.  He hadn't seen or heard any of the drama so far.  The neighbour's house, by the way, was empty and I couldn't get into their garden - not that I could do anything even if I was there!   

Getting as close as I could to the fence I called for Austin, telling him that he was going to have to jump as I wasn't about to call out the fire brigade on such a trivial matter!  Tigger was doing his "I'm-absolutely-starving-to-death-here-doesn't-anybody-care" thunderous purr while performing a beautifully balletic figure of eight weaving in and out my legs (rather hindering my ability to walk).  Suddenly Austin let out an ear-splitting yowl which can only be described as despair mixed with petulance - I'm sure I saw him stamp his paw - and Tigger, abandoning his obsequious behaviour around my feet, shot his head up and looked over to the sound.  In a moment he had assessed the situation and leapt over the fence to the wall where Austin needed to be.  He let out one authoritive "meeyat" sound.  Austin immediately responded by moving to the edge of the roof and without even thinking jumped easily onto the wall landing beside the tabby.  They pressed noses in greeting and very nonchalantly and displaying studied indifference eventually eased themselves back through the fence. 

Tigger looked at me as if to say "Now, it was chicken AND a side order of Tuna treats wasn't it?!" 

For the rest of the day he slept undisturbed on Austin's bed and Austin did not shred one piece of furniture.  Of course it is probably because he was acutely embarrassed and now Tigger has a hold over him.  Let's face it, if Big Ginge heard about this it would be all over the neighbourhood in no time! The feline fraternity would soon be chortling with derision behind their collective paw.  Yep, I believe that Tigger's campaign to oust Austin as Top Cat is being realised slowly but surely. 

PS Cat flap training is still ongoing!

Cat flap update

Door's still open and cat flap's closed!  I mean it's not exactly rocket science; all he has to do is bang his head up against it and it opens for goodness sake!  Meanwhile I'm making myself an object of ridicule and pokey finger fun with the neighbours as I try to demonstrate how easy it is.  Well it would be easy if I my head wasn't bigger than the flap. 

"This is how you do it Austin"

I mutter as I creak painfully down on my knees and press my nose against the glass, my rear end momentarily eclipsing the mountain vista and darkening the sky over the Great Orme. He just blinks and looks away, embarrassed. 

"She's absolutely nothing to do with me". 

We both retreat to have a ponder, me with a cup of coffee, he with an all over body wash and general spruce up - have you noticed how cats always resort to cleaning themselves when they are at a disadvantage, embarrassed or want to express disinterest or indifference?  It's the cat equivalent of "WhatEvor" and it's a terrible thing. In fact I would go so far as saying that you've never known real rejection until you've been ignored by a cat. 

While Austin, with his back to me, studiedly continues with his lick-lick-wipe routine, I spot Tigger emerging from the bushes. He runs up to the summerhouse and sniffs intently around the flap.  Hmmmmm?  It appears he's a glue sniffer as well as a schnorrer!  Maybe, just maybe, this will be enough to induce him to go through?  But no, not on your nelly.  Having had his fix he went to the door and leaned up against it. Turning back he looks at me as if to say

"In your own time, but I need my kip, like .... errr ... now!"