CATachresis

Versatility and Tagability!

2012-02-16T16:39:00.000Z

Austin is beside himself with joy because he’s been awarded the Versatile Blogger award not once, not twice, but three times :)

Trust me he’s ecstatic!

It’s a bit like the Oscars. First time you are overjoyed and don’t know what to say. Second time you are overcome and don’t know what to say and so overreact and do a Kate Winslet for .. like … ever. The third time you are overwhelmed and don’t know what to say so overcompensate by pretending you're far too busy to attend poxy award ceremonies, which is a bit of an overkill. One has a tendency to overdo!

“Austin, where are you?”

He’s over there!

But not over-impressed!

I’m afraid that’s as good as it gets! He’s having a bit of a day.

He’s not forgiven me for putting “Hug Me” on his Valentine’s card ;)

We will overlook!

The first Versatile Award we’ve already covered, but I just want to give a shout out and big thanks to Dominique from 4 Walls and a View and the guys over at The Tonks Tail for numbers two and three. Dominique is a writer and like me has M.E. She writes very eloquently about many things including how to live with chronic illness. Her positivity is a real encouragement. The Tonks guys make me laugh, especially their comments to each other and on my blog. Very astute! :) If you haven’t already, please go visit these two blogs.

We have also been tagged. I know this has been doing the rounds of the blogosphere and we’ve been ducking and diving for a while now, but hey! We’ve finally been hit. Ouch! I thank you Haopee. Austin thanks you:

Overwrought!

Moving on. We have now got to answer some questions about ourselves. First Austin (who has been bribed with a week without cuddles) and then me:

1. Describe yourself in 7 words:
Austin: I have no need to describe myself
Me: ironic, laconic, sardonic, obscuronic, anachronic, oxymoronic, CATatonic

2. What keeps you up at night?
Austin: My human
Me: My cat

3. Who would you like to be?
Austin: Me
Me: Austin

4. What are you wearing right now?
Austin: A scowl
Me: A bemused expression

5. What scares you?
Austin: Loud humans
Me: Loud cats

6. The best and worst of blogging?
Austin: There’s a best? Darned pawparazzi!
Me: Best - Meeting lots of lovely people from the blogosphere. Worst - Not actually meeting all the lovely people from the blogosphere.

7. Last website you've visited?
Austin: I walked through a web site this morning at 6.05 a.m. The spider was none too happy :)))
Me: Google, to check how to spell paparazzi

8. One thing you'd change about yourself?
Austin: My human
Me: My cat ;)

9. Slankets or no?
Austin: Hahahaha! Only if it is Comfort™ infused!
Me: Isn’t that a typo?

10. Tell us something about the dog or person that tagged you:
Austin: Over to you …..
Me: Austin isn’t too keen on dogs so it’s up to me. Haopee lives somewhere over towards the east of the blogosphere I believe, and is an advocate for dogs of all shapes and sizes. She loves them and they obviously love her :) And she has a great sense of fun!!!!

Now we are supposed to pick a specified number of blogs/bloggers to tag and they must do the same thing. Hmmmm? Just going to pick some of the many blogs I like. If you’ve done it before, fine. If you don’t want to do it, fine!

George (be still my beating heart) Clooney
Emma and Buster
Glogirly and Katie (the movie star!!)
Anyone who would like to at Jan’s Funny Farm
Mr “Poot” Puddy
Oskar from The Daily Oskar
Wally and Ernie from The Island Cats

The Suave Valentine’s Cat

2012-02-14T21:16:00.001Z

Happy Valentine’s Day

In which Austin finally makes himself clear

2012-02-09T21:33:00.000Z

I love Pooh and all things Milne. It must be my inner child. I have a particular fondness for Binker who features (albeit invisibly) in Now we are Six.

So here follows a pome writ in the style of Milne but which, of course, features Austin as the central character. It sums up our relationship really. He’s the boss! >^,,^<

As you know:-

I like to cuddle Austin, but he's never really keen.

In fact he can be hissy-like, and scratch, and get quite mean.

However, when he snuggles down all comfy in my lap,

He turns into Mr Greeable - a very different chap!

Because:-

A snuggle and a cuddle are not the same, you see.

A cuddle's not a snuggle as it brings indignity.

A snuggle is the cuddle that Austin gives to me.

And you can't beat that.

So:-

On a day when it is cold and wet, the weather's really dull,

And the only creature out in it is Hugh the Herring Gull.

Austin sidles up to me and jumps into my lap,

Making sure I understand he means to snug and have a nap.

Because:-

A snuggle and a cuddle are not the same, you see.

A cuddle's not a snuggle as it brings indignity.

A snuggle is the cuddle that Austin gives to me.

And I can't miss that.

Then:-

Sometimes when I am feeling blue and nothing seems to cheer,

A little furry feline friend helps wipe away my tear.

He bonks his head against my hand then looks me in the eye,

and says things will get better when he snuggles by and by.

Because:-

A snuggle and a cuddle are not the same, you see.

A cuddle's not a snuggle as it brings indignity.

A snuggle is the cuddle that Austin gives to me.

And I don't doubt that.

So:-

If you're still in any doubt about the difference 'tween the two,

You've clearly not met Austin (also known as Mr Poo).

At the moment he is dreaming while he's leaning 'gainst my leg

That he will avoid the cuddle that he's certain is ahead.

Because:-

A snuggle and a cuddle are not the same, you see.

A cuddle's not a snuggle as it brings indignity.

A snuggle is the cuddle that Austin gives to me.

And he does love that.

So:-

When all is said, and chores are done, at the end of every day,

Young Austin likes to dance around, jump up and down and play.

But when he's finished doing that and wants to rest his head,

He snuggles, but is not cuddled, as we lay upon the bed.

Because:-

A snuggle and a cuddle are not the same, you see.

A cuddle's not a snuggle as it brings indignity.

A snuggle is the cuddle that Austin gives to me.

AND WE ALL LOVE THAT!

Austin pings his pong!

2012-02-06T21:55:00.000Z

"Excuse me Austin, what are you looking for?"

Don’t interrupt me now!

I suppose it could be up here?

...or down here?

...or up there?

…or back there?

...waaayyyyy back….

… what’s over there?

Hey! I’ve found that dead mouse from 2 years ago!!!

Ahem!!!

Oh!

There you are!!!

Where have you been???

You went off without saying a word.

I was really worried about you!

..in fact I am so upset...

…I can hardly bear to look at you!

I’m sorry Ping, it’s not you, it’s me.

I need some time, ok?

Ill-iteration!

2012-02-01T17:02:00.000Z

I wanted a really good shot of the whiskers - because I could do one of those alliterative things; it being Wednesday and all!!

But he’d rather have a tummy tickle; and I missed Tuesday!

Austin’s illiterate about alliterate ;)

Serene Sunday Scene (with haiku)

2012-01-29T12:28:00.000Z

Snow on the mountains.

City nestling down below.

The view from my chair.

Take up the snow haiku challenge on Rumpy’s blog :)

One Spoilt Cat who shouldn't get any more awards!!

2012-01-24T21:26:00.000Z

You know I really love my cat, don't get me wrong, but if there is the cat equivalent of the hissy fit, then Austin does it. It's probably called a kissy fit. I've not had a huge experience with cats. I've only personally known about half a dozen in my entire life. But Austin is the only cat I've had who manages to do arms akimbo whilst stamping his paw and giving a verbal bashing all at the same time!

It's my own fault. I just give in to him. All he has to do is turn those big beautiful (alien) eyes on me and blink and I am like a ravaged dead mouse in his paws. The distressing scenes of spoilt cat throwing a tantrum usually takes place of an evening when I'm doing a bit of social networking. So I'm guessing he is jealous of my virtual life and wants to scupper my attempts at online badinage. I have written about this before - well let's face it I've written about most things before - but I'm hoping most of my readers are like me - forgetful!

Austin goes out of an evening to take the air (and anything else that takes his fancy) and when he is let in upstairs at about 9.30, he will know that I am sat sitting downstairs tapping the keys on the Mac and minding my own business. He will also know that I am needing reminding that it is time for the evening performance. This is what occurs (includes timescale):

a) Hark! I hear the gentle pitter patter of a herd of buffalo stampeding down the stairs as he rushes and hurls himself through my door (whether closed or not) going "me-NOW" "me-NOW" "me-NOW" all the way from top to bottom - 9 seconds

b) I trudge behind determined tuxie back upstairs while deftly avoiding ritual thwack of paw through bannisters by sliding along slowly and hugging the wall (don't make eye contact) - 1 min 34 seconds

c) I give all-over-top-to-tail B-R-U-S-H - 4 mins

d) There is some communal laser mayhem (which includes chair mutilation and curtain abseiling) - 3 mins

e) Austin administers some therapeutic claw shiatsu on a couple of thighs that already resemble the shower scene from Psycho - anything from 2 mins to 5 mins depending on the thigh owners pain threshold on the day

f) Human to cat neck scritch - 1 min 52 seconds

g) Cat on human drool puddle - total the time from c) to h) inclusive

h) Catnap on lap - for as long as thigh owner can stand it - infinity.

To cap it all I now have to tell Austin he is in receipt of two more awards!!! Can life get any more ~~fraught~~ fun? I dread to think what he's going to say!

Look Austin, there's not a scintilla of a chance that a cuddle is coming your way, ok?

So, we have received from Teri at Curlz and Swurlz the Lief award. No that's not Leaf, meaning the green thing you get off a tree, but Lief as in Dutch for sweet :)) Yes Austin that means you, babe!

We have also received from Haopee (who else! :) the Versatile Blogger award for being … well …versatile! And apparently she's taken pity on me because I'm a statsaholic!

Thank you very much to both!

Now there are certain conditions attached to these awards, but do you know? I can't remember them? I did the seven things a while back now! I've done three things too, I think .. and ten things! Good heavens! There's nothing left to say! Anyway Austin's life is a closed book and mine is so uninteresting even I yawn when I hear what I am saying! However there are many blogs I like and I'm just going to give a shout out to some:

The Lief Award goes to:

Katnip Lounge

Mr Puddy

Tucker the Crestie

The award winners should pass on to three other sweet blogs :)

The Versatile Blogger Award goes to:

Cat Wisdom 101

The Chronicles of Zee & Zoey

The Meow Factor

The award winners should say seven things about themselves and pass on to anything up to fifteen blogs. Yeah right!

If you have already received the award or are an award free blog, no worries :)

As for our hero, he's rather overcome!

Oooops! Got to rush, it's that time again …...

A day in the life of a Statsaholic (a bit of a rant)

2012-01-17T21:44:00.000Z

"My name is Caro and I'm a statsaholic."

Look I'm not really, but I blame Blogger. OH YES I DO! They change everything, so you don't know where you are and you have to do random clicks in order to find anything and before you know it, you've deleted an absolutely brilliant post; the best you've ever written (just take my word for it, ok!).

The fact that I am forever ending up on the stats page is neither here nor there. BUT, as I've just come from there, I do have one question:

HOW COME THERE ARE MORE COMMENTS THAN PAGEVIEWS ON SOME OF MY POSTS?

Perhaps people are commenting without looking? That might be it. However, it'a more likely there are nefarious forces at work. Just letting you know, so you can keep a look out! I don't track my own pageviews, but it still doesn't account for the difference!

Then the page that gives your audience by country shows that in a week you've had a total of 151 visits from 23 different countries, but you've still only had 23 pageviews with 35 comments!!!!???? (don't you just hate people that use punctuation marks indiscriminately?) !!

It starts so innocently. One is lured by pretty colours and charts and wavy lines and before you know it you're on the road that leads to total addiction. You're a no hoper, completely in the grip of a vice that rules your whole life. You can't think of anything except where the next stats fix comes from. Will it be via traffic sources or that squashy map on the audience page? And oh, the sweet seduction of the competing allurements of "pageviews today, pageviews yesterday …. pageviews all time history." I can't deal with it anymore. I need to go cold turkey and shut down for a day … or hour …. well maybe a minute.

First I'll just check out this Referring URL …….. ?

Austin, what are you doing?

Oh dear!

Awesome Pawsome!

2012-01-14T17:56:00.000Z

Yay! we have another award :)

Thank you very much Haopee ☺

Now for the fun as I inform Austin of this honour!

⬇

"Hey Austin!"
⬇

"Yup!"

⬇

"We've won another award!"

"You're kidding!"
⬇
"We sure have. We are Pawsome, apparently!"

"Good grief! I hope this doesn't mean what I think it means?"
⬇
"Oh yes!"

"It's cuddle time!"

⬇

"Oh tish!"

⬇

"I think I'm going to be sick!"

⬇

"Excuse me!"

⬇

Award winning Loaf Cat insists he is a cuddle free zone!

The rules are that I have to give the award to eight blogs that I consider pawsome. The problem is I can't pick just eight! So I'm going to break all rules and say that if you are reading this and have paws, you are officially Pawsome :)

The Raven

2012-01-10T20:45:00.000Z

No! Not the interminable poem by Mr Poe. This is a similar one by Mr Poo!

Once upon a morning dreary, Austin pondered, cheeky, cheery,

Over many a pack of kibble, juicy salmon and much more.

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my glass back door.

"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my glass back door'".

So Austin skipped across the floor!

Just to set the scene, this is what usually happens when birds visit the garden:

Austin the Brave Knave

But this is what happened today:

Austin the Wuss Puss

We do have big birds here. Ok, not condor big, but big enough! Herons, buzzards, shags and of course ravens. When we throw food out for the birds, they are generally quite grateful and come and flutter around the lawn. However, this morning I chucked out a stale scone the size and weight of a cricket ball and practically took out a whole flock of starlings. Therefore the only taker was Rodney the Raven who is the same size as Austin and was the only bird with the muscles to deal with it.

The secret of survival is knowing when to keep your head down!

In which we receive An Award and Austin is almost cuddled!

2012-01-05T23:10:00.000Z

Many delighted thanks to Haopee over at My Dogs Love Me for awarding this to the team here at CATachresis. Austin is supposed to be making a speech, but as it seems he can only do it in Welsh, it has been left to me to do the ceremonial bit!

Liebster means "dearest" in German, and the award is intended to help up-and-coming blogs get the attention they deserve. Well, as I've been "up-and-coming" for quite some time now, I am more than happy to accept this award in the hopes that I will arrive at some stage during 2012!

Of course, I couldn't do this blog without the help of Austin who is my muse and who keeps me amused on a daily basis. Today, for instance, he kept me amused by making me run around after Martin-the-LaserMouse while he sat and blinked down on me lovingly from on top the bookcase!

Life is so full.

Now it behoves me to pass the award on to some other deserving ~~parvenus~~ up-comers. As I don't want to distress anyone unduly, I will name some names and then run for cover. Please, if you are named, will you step forward and receive your award from the paw of Austin, bow or curtsey and then back away slowly. Whatever you do, keep smiling and don't make eye contact! Then if you want you can:

1. Copy and paste the award on your blog
2. Link back to the blogger who gave you the award (me!).
3. Pick your five favourite blogs, with less than 200 followers and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they have received the award.
4. Hope that the five blogs chosen will keep spreading the love and pass it on to five more blogs.

Easy peasy :)

And now here is Austin looking pleased

Then we have a moment

…….before he realises

…..that….

"…..Aaarhhggggghhhh….."

"…….I'm having an unauthorised cuddle……."

"….. I'm outta here!"

Oh well! Moving on …….

Here are some of the blogs who we think really deserve to be Liebstered:

Katie and Glogirly (An absolute sweetie)

Kjelle Bus (Swish and Swedish)

Hart Stories (Meg is the human who has escaped from Housecat Confidential!)

The Meow Factor (that Angelina Jolie is a superstar!)

Lilly the Cat (very new and a comic genius)

No worries if you don't want it or already have it, just smile and wave to the crowds :~)

Siarad Cymraeg?

2012-01-02T19:08:00.000Z

You've heard people say about their cats …. ahem ... *puts on high pitched squeaky voice*,

"It's as if he understands every word I say!"

Well with Austin and me, it's never been like that. I've regaled you with hilarious anecdotes about conversations we've had concerning issues of national importance. Ok, maybe not hilarious. In truth, I speak to him as if he's another hairless biped with two graduate degrees and a job in the city, and he responds by …. blinking. Yes, blinking! He's probably thinking while he's blinking "I wish she'd just shut up and open the salmon Purina". Trouble is, I do the same. I blink when he meows! How we've managed to rub along in this way for four and a bit years, I haven't a clue. One of us at least should have starved to death by now, or moved out!

Anyway, I've been wondering for quite a while why communication between myself and Austin can be so fraught with misunderstanding? We seem to be always talking at cross purposes. It can be a positive blinkfest of blank looks and incomprehension. I was beginning to think he was a tuna chunk short of a full can!

Now at last I believe I have the answer. Oh yes I do. Austin is a Welsh speaking cat in an English speaking household. And it is an English speaking household with two different accents! One of us was born and brought up in London and says "barth". The other was born and brought up in Cornwall and says "baaath". The poor boy is very confused, because he comes from some place that is unpronounceable between Llandudno Junction and Rhyl.

As you can see, Austin seems to be suffering from vowel misplacement disorder. I only hope it is curable! If not, his future in a mainly vowel speaking environment is at risk. We need to get help, and quickly. Meanwhile, we both wish you:

Blwyddyn Newydd Dda!

and

Happy New Year!

Boxing Day

2011-12-29T16:30:00.000Z

There is something wrong with this picture!

Hmmmph!!!

Arraghuph!!!

Ah! That's better. The status has returned to quo.
Alien Eyes triumphs again!

A CATachresis Christmas

2011-12-22T21:23:00.000Z

Here at CATachresis we have been very busy getting ready for Christmas and to that end Austin and I have worked together as a team to bring you our Christmas card. ♪Dadaaahhhh♪ .......

Errr as you can see, it wasn't the smoothest of photo shoots!

Austin, if I could just ask you to ....

....look at the camera!

...not the wire please!

Yes it smells lovely!

that's a bauble thingy!

Ahem!

"Who's that outside?"

Look! Martin's doing his bit!

Uh Uh!

*sigh*

"Really bored now!!!!"

Ok, here we go ....

I think this is the best we can do under the circumstances!

We would like to wish all our lovely friends and readers

A VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS

and a peaceful and healthy New Year!

PS For those who have not seen it, here is the video we made for Christmas about three years ago, and as only about 2½ people saw it, it's probably worth another showing :)

The Prodigal Tigger!

2011-12-21T21:07:00.000Z

He's back! Calm as you like he wandered in after about three weeks AWOL! Absolutely nothing's changed, except his girth is seriously in need of an industrial strength corset!

"Thought I drop by for a bite of lunch"

"Wossat?"

"Oh hi Austin"

(Austin is delighted to see Tigger!!!!)

"Anyone else at home?"

"Come on mate, I haven't been gone that long. How about a wrestle for old times!"

"Oh well, if you're going to be like that…."

"…I hear Big Ginge is having chicken fajitas with home-made guacamole and salsa today."

"To be honest your

Felix-Senior-for-cats-7+years-fish-selection-in-jelly

doesn't do it for me!"

So there you have it. Tigger is back and all is well with the world. I do believe he must have heard the collective call of the international cat bloggers nag-athon and just gave in to the inevitable. Austin and I thank you :)

"It weren't me, guv. Honest!"

2011-12-20T16:32:00.000Z

What's a chap to do if something that smells so yummy

"accidentally" falls to the floor?

First you sniff it…...

.... then you roll in it…..

…. then just as you're going in for the kill,

a two-legged furless miseryguts takes it away ….

… so you sulk big time…

…. and the two-legged furless miseryguts relents ...

…and puts the end that's been pre-chewed in your dish!

RESULT!

Haiku at Christmas

2011-12-17T18:20:00.000Z

Cat sits patiently

with some holly on his head.

Such indignity!

This is Austin preparing for the festive fun.
As you can see, he is from the "Bah Humbug" school of Christmas cheer!

By the way we haven't seen Tigger for at least two weeks now and are getting quite concerned. For those who are not up to speed, Tigger is Austin's buddy and you can read about him on the "Meet the Gang" page. It's true we often don't see him at the house for several days, but it's never been this long! So we are wondering if he's moved away, or maybe (hopefully) his staff have just gone on holiday and have temporarily incarcerated him in a cattery or something!

Tigger, come back soon. We miss you :(

Austin is quite lonely. He's got no one to fight with,
except Big Ginge from down the road and this beleaguered human!

A Senior Moment!

2011-12-11T22:55:00.000Z

What do we have here?

I know it's MY lunch as my brother Felix was the poser for the pic

so we have to support him.

Boy is he ever a poser. I'm sure he's been airbrushed. That smile

ain't natural!

But what does it say here?

Senior? 7+ years?

Excuse me!

Sorry Austin, It's my new specs.
I suppose you won't believe it if I say it's because
you're very mature for your age?

Give me strength!

She'll have me in the old cat's home with all my teeth out
sucking on kibble before I'm 5 at this rate!

That Awkward Moment ..........

2011-12-04T22:50:00.000Z

..... when I call Austin to come for no good reason, or he thinks I've called him to come and I haven't and as he tends to come when called, he comes. And all I've been doing is whistling to myself and sucking my teeth.

To explain. If you spend most nights hissing "Austin" outside the back door like I do, it does sound like you're trying to whistle through the gap between your two top central incisors. As the subconscious sibilant simulation is quite therapeutic, I can catch Austin out on occasion just by whistling and sucking teeth in an inappropriate manner!

Anyway, he rushes up and says "Wot?" and I say "Oh, nothing!" Then of course we both feel a bit stupid and spend some time hurrumphing and clearing throats and not catching each other's eye. It's a bit embarrassing to say the least!

The Mouse Therapist

2011-11-25T16:28:00.000Z

We were still at an impasse over the "going out" thing. Mornings were ok, even if it was dark; but evenings? Nope! He would cross his legs until about 5 a.m. This is when I trip up over him as I'm stumbling to the bathroom and he's been standing guard outside my bedroom door for the past five hours. Conversation as follows:

Austin: Me-ouch!
Me: Why do you always place yourself where I'm going to tread?
Austin: Thought you would see me!
Me: Well I didn't!
Austin: You should have known I was here.
Me: Why should I?
Austin: I want to go out.
Me: Well you can't.
Austin: Why not?
Me: Because you can't! And anyway you should have gone last night!
Austin: You're going now!
Me: Use your litter tray.
Austin: Prefer outside privvy.
Me: Well I don't, so budge off!

He looks at me as if I'm Cruella DeVil but without the compassion! We need a plan B. So ……

…..later on that day when it gets dark, enter…...

…..Martin the Mouse Therapist

It was love at first sight….

"I love you sooooo much"

"Let's play death-watch-mousie"

"I watch you with my evil eye and you die, kay?"

But Martin had a little secret that Austin didn't know. His nose had strange powers. It lit up powerful red and beamed and darted all across the floor.

This drove Austin crazynuts so he chased it all around and up and down.
All over the living room, up and down, up and down.
He chased down the stairs, down and down.
Along the hall, up and down, up and down.
He raced from the bedroom all the way along to the front door, up and down, up and down, up and down ….. and …….. open the door and …… outside!!!
Close the door.
"See you later Austin"!
"Hey?"
Result!
Game set and match to Martin I think …. except Martin has now stopped beaming and darting! But Austin is back to his old self and can't see what all the fuss was about!!

It's a bit galling when ........

2011-11-16T16:43:00.002Z

....... your all-in-one printer/scanner/copier has more of a social life than you do!

It is so state of the art that it comes with its own email address and games console! It gets messages in the night and downloads apps. I can't be sure, but I think it might be GPS enabled and spying for the KGB!

It's so independent that I reckon it's out surfing the interwebs, networking with all the other "all-in-ones" and plotting to take over the world on Facebook!

I'm terrified of it! It seems to turn itself on and off willy-nilly and plays a merry little tune before it coughs, heaves a little sigh and goes quiet. Then just when I think it's safe it decides I should play a game of Sudoku when actually what I really want to do is sort out the scanner settings!

It is also wifi enabled so there is no plug involved. I could be in another room minding my own business on the iPad, accidentally fumble and rest my thumb on "print" and end up with the complete works of Shakespeare on single sided A4 white, when all I wanted was to download the latest freebie from Amazon. And what the wingdings is a proxy port?

It copies, sorts photos, scans, sings, dances and does impressions. The one thing it doesn't do is print!

An Extraordinary Book!

2011-11-13T12:04:00.000Z

Book Review - The Chronicles of Zee & Zoey, A Journey of the Extraordinarily Ordinary

I am delighted to have the opportunity to review this book now Austin has given it his very positive considered opinion; here are my thoughts.

To handle it's a lovely weighty tome even though it has a soft cover and visually it is stunning. This is because each glossy page is a well thought out piece of artcombining narrative, graphics and photos (the latter beautifully taken andproduced by Deb's fiancé, Dan Power). The attention to detail shows this is a labour of love. Also it is funny!

What is it about? At the centre of the story is the loveaffair (no, it really is!) between Zee,a characterful and lovable Maine Coon (being a Brit I had to look that up in Wiki) andZoey a beautiful strong willed, but tiny, Bengal. Because of the subject matter I thought it might be a bittwee, but to my delight it is anything but! The story takes off when the kitty liaison accidentally produces fourkittens after Deb misses the narrowwindow of opportunity to get the cats "seen to"! When she starts sending weekly kitten updateemails to friends and family, there gradually forms a germ of an idea for a book.

Deb's own life events are interwoven into the story of Zee, Zoey and the kittens; her ups and downs,joys and sorrows; family, other pets, both past and present are all part of the patchwork of her life and are included in thenarrative which adds depth and perspective.

One major event is when both Deb and Dan are made redundant on the same day! The emotional and economic turmoil that inevitably follows and theway they deal with it shows great resilience and determination to overcome. The cats (and especially thegrowing kittens) are an intricate part of this process. Deb has gained a great deal from interacting withher menagerie and her observations are insightful and humorous. She shows how ourkitties can turn the ordinary life events intoextraordinary experiences and how, seen through their eyes, we can embrace thesimple and uncomplicated to enrich our lives.

When you come across a beautifully produced book like this, you might be forgiven for thinking that it's all about the pictures, and the words are somehowinferior or of secondary importance; but in this book both are of equal value. The writing is stand out and can stand alone, but to have both the stunning photos and thewarm and amusing narrative is ... well, it's a two-for-one offer you can'trefuse. It is unique!

Some random things I have gleaned from my reading of the book:

Cats don't care if you like them on facebook!

Deb'sgynaecologist thinks she is a certifiable nutter!

Cats can switch on the tv andwatch Jeopardy!

Fleas can be hilarious, but only when they have a death wish!

Both Deb and Dan are allergic to their cats!
Oh and there is a brilliant chapter on Cattisms and Cattitudes. All cat owners will relate and laugh!

I could say a lot more, but hope this has whetted your appetite to want to check it out for yourself. It would make a terrific Christmas present. .. just saying!

This is the first book by Deborah Barnes and I hope it won't be her last!

I suspect that all readers of my blog will enjoy it, whether they are cat people, dog people or people people!

You can reach Deborah and see plenty more of all the beautiful cats on the wonderful Zee & Zoey website. Check it out. You won't be disappointed :-)

Is it possible ........

2011-11-10T21:00:00.001Z

........ I'm the onlyperson in history who has had to resort to calling their cat OUT at night?

Nope! Didn't quitemake it this time. But each day a little further. The problem is, he really wants to go out, he always used to go out, but now he finds he can't go out after dark and it's driving him crazy! His routine is shot!

Poor little guy! Eversince the ~~bombing~~ fireworks incident at the weekend he's been trembling in his little furry boots. So now he either waits until about 5 in the morning (when danger is no longer imminent and we're all fast asleep!) or I have to go out with him and watch his back. It's getting a bit wearisometrailing around after him like some lackey and I'm not sure the neighboursfully understand why I feel the need to poke around in the bushes at night!Consequently there's been some curtain twitching and I'm anticipating a visitfrom the local constabulary at some juncture!

Anyway, Austin is nowofficially in therapy and needs lots of support and TLC.

The Great Escape!

2011-11-08T19:03:00.002Z

I thinkthe whole world knows by now that Austin was missing for 13 hours this week!

Talkabout overreacting! I was beside myself - which is actually very difficult todo in reality. It all happened like this:Sitting comfortably?

For thebenefit of non UK readers of this blog, I'd better explain the tradition of GuyFawkes Night. Way back in 1605 some Catholic malcontents who were fed up withthe Protestant King James I, decided to blow up Parliament in this thing called "The Gunpowder Plot". You can read about it in Wiki, but that'sabout the crux of it. Oh except theyfailed and were caught! Guy Fawkes was one of them and because he had the right name, it was decided that henceforth there would becelebrations in the form of fireworks and the ritual burning of an effigy on Guy Fawkes night. Spooky isn't it! You would think that Mr and Mrs Fawkes when coming to name their precious child, would twig that he might get up to no good at a later date!

Anyway, being the peace loving, forgiving nation that we are, we have of coursecelebrated this avidly, religiously and with great gusto every year since, onNovember 5th.

However,the lame brain element within British society do seem to have a problem withdates i.e. successfully managing to organise a conflagration on a specific day is beyondthem. This year November 5th came and went and November 6th arrived when one would thinkit was safe to let the cat out in the evening .... Well? No! Actually! Both Austinand I forgot. He went out at about 4.30 pm and before it got dark just before5, all hell was let loose in a neighbour's garden. So much so that I, who hadactually been in a war zone, thought we were being bombed! Of course, Austin,not being up on his history and politics, also thought we were being bombed anddecided this was his opportunity to make a run for it.

This wasa rather silly thing to do, as the temperature that night went below freezingand even though he has a nice thick fur coat, I haven't, so it got a bit draftytrailing up and down the road in my winceyette clutching a flickering torchshouting "Here boy! Austin! Poo!". If nothing else the dog walkersand drunks passing by were highly amused!

To cut along story shorter, he finally appeared the following morning at 6 with his furall ruffed and a stary look in his eyes. Since then he's been doing his loaf impression a lot!

His bidfor freedom was unwise, even if he does feel he was driven to it. It's cold out there!

Austin's educational timetable now includes a couple of hours a week studying British history. Oh, and we've also agreed that he will no longer go outside at all between the months of October and December, just to be on the safe side!

Austin is brought to book!

2011-11-04T21:10:00.000Z

This book is really good!

I'm now going to flick the page over? ....

.. ok so I'm not actually reading the words .......

....... I have 'diss leck see ya'!

Austin's input notwithstanding, coming soon to a blog near you: a review of the debut book by Deborah Barnes "The Chronicles of Zee & Zoey - A Journey of the Extraordinarily Ordinary"

Check out the video here

Pssst! Don't tell anyone, but it's brill and triff!

The Interminable Cat Flap Saga - part 423

2011-10-26T17:19:00.000+01:00

Those of you who have been with me for a long time will know about the cat flap and the trauma surrounding the use thereof by the resident cat and his chum. To recap:

It was thought that it would be a good idea to put a flap into the wooden structure rather grandly called a summerhouse.....

.....in order that Austin would have somewhere to go in the event of a meteorological or climatic emergency. Heaven forfend that his delicate little furry bod should even come within a gnat's whisker of the precipitation that frequents this part of North West Wales.

Tigger the Tabby learnt after just one lesson i.e. me (gently) shoving his head against the flap, that he could gain entry and receive solace and (sometimes) succour the other side.

Austin, on the other hand, is a more delicate flower and doesn't like things bashing against his head - unless it's my hand when I scrunch his ears and make with the scritches.

As I have said before on this blog, he wants succour and I'm the sucker!

NB the hand in the last picture is of my young assistant who I thank for errrr assisting during the construction of this narrative :)

Fastidious Friday

2011-10-20T23:05:00.001+01:00

When a chap is pondering imponderables ......

Everything needs to be aligned!

Austin and the Bellicose Balloon

2011-10-18T17:09:00.000+01:00

I think that's one to the balloon!

PS it wasn't Austin's 80th birthday ..... or mine! :~)

"Who? Me? Austin the Innocent

2011-10-12T17:05:00.000+01:00

"I'm just thinking"

"Now I'm looking at you"

This was the look he gave me just after I told him that yes, he could go outside and no, he couldn't kill anything!

Check out the luxurious whiskers >^..^< If I did alliteration, I would have called this Whiskers Wednesday, but I don't, so I didn't ;)

Caught on camera!

2011-10-07T16:41:00.000+01:00

The first I knew of it was when I heard Austin meowing, no... yowling, outside. I grabbed my camera:

Is she looking?

What's that you've got?

Uh oh! I might just make it past without her noticing!

AUSTIN!

Maybe not!

See what I brought you! ›^.ꞈ.^‹

It was at this point I realised what he had in his mouth .... and it was still alive! Dropped camera, dropped everything and rushed outside dressed only in embarrassment, screaming like a banshee. I scared my mother at the other end of the house, the sheep in the field opposite and the unsuspecting neighbour who happened to be walking by with his dog. I must have scared Austin too, as he disappeared, but I am hoping that it gave the little blue tit enough time to make his escape. I think (hope) it might have, as Austin was very disgruntled when he returned shortly afterwards. The next day, sadly, the offering was already deceased!

This has happened too many times, but I still react that way (well maybe not always quite so loudly!) He's a hunter; he goes outside. It's to be expected.

I started this blog as a conduit for my humourous, slightly skewy outlook on life and it just so happened that Austin, my streetwise characterful tuxie usually is the focus of my musings. Of course this has its upside and its downside. Upside because he never ceases to amuse as my muse, and downside because he is, as you can see, a convicted killer.

I have said before that he looks upon me as his mother, of that there is no doubt. He is friendly to most visitors, but it is to me he comes with all his little problems, worries and moans. It is on my lap and my lap alone he climbs when he wants comfort and cuddles, even though he will not be picked up against his will without scratchy/bitey repercussions.

Austin brings me his little offerings either because he thinks I'm rubbish at hunting and wants to convey that going to Tesco is a cop out, or because he wants to give me a gift. Either way I should not confuse him by shouting at him when he brings me whatever it is he's hunted and caught himself! It's a great compliment.

Misdemeanour!

2011-10-01T12:37:00.001+01:00

Tag-it Tuesday

2011-09-27T20:55:00.001+01:00

What's the caption?

Austin's Law of Motion!

2011-09-25T12:44:00.001+01:00

Did he move? Don't blink!

This is Austins favourite sleeping place. On my legs, with my knee under his "armpit". I wish to point out the rather fetching inch of flesh showing where the jogs end and the white (I use the word advisedly) "sport" sock begins. There is also a tantalising glimpse of a racy red slipper! No wonder he has his eyes closed!

As you may know if you've followed this blog for a while, Austin is a keen scientist. He has advised such diverse and learnéd people as Fibonacci and Schrodinger. Now he concentrates his genius brain on one Sir Isaac Newton, who as you may know, devised a cradle and several laws to do with moving around. There was also an incident with an apple which had an outcome of some gravity!

The particular law Austin has been able to prove (see picture above) is the little known 4th law of inertia, which Newton would have got round to, had he been bothered. This law states that the resistance of any physical object to a change in its state of motion or rest, or the tendency of an object to resist any change in its motion is directly proportional to the need of the object's human (technical term) to go to the bathroom.

Happy Sunday Everybody!

Adventures of Austin and Tigger - episode #528

2011-09-20T17:40:00.000+01:00

Meow me hearties! - or where's Johnny Depp when you need him?

2011-09-18T22:50:00.001+01:00

The management of this blog wishes to thank Captain Puddy for this portrait of Austin in his Johnny Depp outfit :) The amateurish embellishments are courtesy of me (and picassa)!!!

It's the International "Meow like a pirate day" today (Monday 19th)

So a (very bad) pome has been writ in celebration.

Here goes ....... Ahem!

If Long John Silver were a cat,

He'd lose the parrot and the hat.

All he wants is fresh caught tuna,

Morning, eve and afternooner.

If he had a wooden leg

He'd stand up proud, he would not beg.

Though hungry, he would spurn a carrot;

"I've got" he said "to find that parrot".

The parrot came, there was a fight

The outcome? Not a pretty sight.

Long John Cat, his fur all scruffed,

The parrot laughed, as he weren't stuffed!

There is a moral to this story

But tell the truth, tis rather gory.

Suffice to say that Long John Cat

Is no longer, ... and that's that!

Breakfast in Bed

2011-09-15T21:40:00.000+01:00

Two mornings in a row now, Austin has deposited one of these on the courtyard outside my bedroom window.

Needless to say, this was not the condition in which they arrived :( He was so pleased with himself. He jumped up to the window ledge and woke me up with one of his yowly meows to announce what he'd done.

"Look, I brought you breakfast!" Errr? Thanks!

Now to spare those who are of a more delicate disposition and also out of respect for the deceased, I have not photographed the remains. For this I expect you are grateful.

As a result and also because it's about that time again (but mostly out of sheer spite), Austin received a dose of this on the back of his neck ....... ...

...... while he was taking his postprandial nap.

He was not happy.

He morphed into the Incredible Sulk

and it was the last we saw of him for the rest of the day!!

P.S. I believe he was making the point, after I caught him red pawed the other day, that he would jolly well go over the road to the field whether I liked it or not!

The Dangling Participant

2011-09-12T21:24:00.000+01:00

It's been while since I've actually had a good waffle on here. It's partly because I have a blockage in the creativity brain cell and partly because I've discovered photo editing. I also have a lovely new camera.

I will not detain you too long, but a line of thought has been wending its weary way through my sullied intellect and I would very much like to share it with my ailurophile buddies.

My experience with cats has only ever been on first come first served basis. In other words only one cat at a time has graced my abode (one can't really count Tigger!) So I've never been able to study multicat interaction at close quarters. It also means that the one cat I've had living with me has been the sole recipient of my attention, love and devotion .... and, to be honest, sometimes also wrath e.g. after an altercation regarding the ethics of shredded furniture in the living room.

However, throughout these long years of close proximity to Austin there is no doubt in my mind that he is starting to learn the basics of English grammar and syntax. No, he is, really!

When he first arrived he was understandably reticent and a tad reluctant to throw himself wholeheartedly into life chez moi. After all I was a middle-aged lady of punctilious disposition and he was a mog from the mean streets of downtown Colwyn Bay. It was not, at first glance, a perfect union.

As time passed by and we got used to each other, a change started to take place in more than one of us!

He became more vocal and, in actual fact, so did I. We would chat about our day, or at least I would and he would chip in now and again with comments and opinions. Eventually Austin would initiate a conversation and I would interject with thoughts of my own. As time has gone on, we have settled into a routine of chat and backchat. So what have I observed?

It might be my imagination but I've noticed he's starting to differentiate between the parts of speech. I think it is illustrated very well by an exchange that took place the other evening.

Picture the scene. It was a dark and stormy night and Austin was out on the town ... well in the garden actually ... and I wanted him to come in. For those who are unfamiliar with the lexical categories, we (Austin and I, for it's a combined study) have referenced the following tome:

"In the Mood: Aspects of a Tense Voice in Feline Linguistics" by Magnum O'Puss (a little known Irish catademic). The parts of speech that we identified have been highlighted in red:

Me: "Austin?" = the interrogative

Austin: "Meow?" = the responsive interrogative

Me: "Come now!" = the imperative

Austin: "Meow!" = the counter imperative

Me: "This minute!" = the escalating imperative

Austin: (walking slowly away): "Meow!" = the dismissive interlocutive

Me (arms akimbo, following him in the dark): "Pleeeeaase!" = the diminishing interlocutive

Austin (heading for the hebe bush): "Meow!!" = the declining interactive

Me (right behind him): "You ___ cat" = the mumbled derogative

Austin: "ƾ" = the verbless claws

Me: "$**!T" = the moronic overreactive and the expletive deleted

Austin: »^ᴗӧ^«

We've been "Mentioned"!!!!

2011-09-10T17:41:00.000+01:00

Not being one to blow my own trumpet .... no I am not!! I just wanted to say that CATachresis has been featured on Zee & Zoey's Chronicle Connection blog.

Deb Barnes is a writer of some not inconsiderable talent, as well as being v stylish. She was a nominee in this year's Pettie awards for "Best Designed Blog". Though she didn't win, she should have IMO. I mean the leopard skin motif is proof in itself! Her elegant writing together with the wonderful photos of her beautiful cats are so uplifting. Check her out..

By the way, she would probably want you to know that the photographer of her menage is her partner Dan :) The photos are truly stunning.

Anyway, my hoop has never been so cocked and to be one of the four chosen has made my day. .... no, year! Thanks Deb xox

Austin also wishes to express his appreciation!

Oh well. Running true to form, then!

Precipitating

2011-09-07T16:50:00.001+01:00

At a stretch!

2011-09-05T17:07:00.002+01:00

This is a non-alliterated floofy Monday. Austin, as you can see, is still on his weekend!

We understand it's Labor Day in America! Now without recourse to google, we can't be sure what that actually is? But we can speculate. Is it a day when everyone has to go to work? In the UK we call it Labour anyway which is a political party that used to run the country, but doesn't anymore (allegedly). So perhaps it is something political? But then why would anyone want to celebrate politics?

OK, I've just consulted Wiki. It appears to be the day when everyone remembers the economic and social contributions of workers. It figures that we do not have such a day in Britain!! What we do have here is a day to celebrate the economic and social detriment of out-of-workers when they go and sign on at JobCentrePlus every second Thursday! It's a blast (errr so I'm told!).

Incidentally, it also appears to be the last day in the year when it is fashionable for women to wear white.

So Happy (non) Labo(u)r Day everyone! NB please redistribute parentheses as you will :)

I was just admiring the view ......

2011-09-01T20:42:00.003+01:00

...... from the window. It was a beautiful day ☼

Lovely isn't it!

Look a bit closer .....

Ah huh!

Oy! Austin!

Come here a minute!

Hurry up!

Will you please be careful crossing the road!

Hehehehe! At least the poor field mouse/vole/shrew had some respite!

The Grumpy Cat Guide

2011-08-27T21:25:00.006+01:00

After getting on for some four years of being in my employ, I have discovered some interesting character flaws in my human which are far from benign. I have enumerated some of them below. It might be of use to others of the feline persuasion as they consider taking on new staff.

1) She is given to bouts of bellicosity which is not attractive in a furless biped - especially as it's usually my belli she's trying to get cosi with!

2) She refuses to acknowledge her lowly state and struts around as if she owns the place.

3) She says no when she means yes

4) She is recalcitrant and obdurate and plenty of other long words, which means that a dictionary is a must have.

5) She has discovered her inner thwart and uses it at every opportunity. It is particularly galling when one is disemboweling lunch on the living room carpet to discover that a senior staff member is a thwarter.

I have decided that silent nagging is generally the best option along with some tacit tail flicking. Feigning indifference doesn't actually make any difference, but it gives me some catisfaction and her something to write about on her infernal blog!

So there it is. My advice would be, at the ~~rescue centre~~ employment exchange never ever be taken in by sweet smiles and promises of catnip and cuddles. In the cold light of day if all they want you for is blog fodder, run to the nearest car engine and crawl in!!

Camouflage Cat

2011-08-22T20:40:00.001+01:00

Camouflage Cat on manoeuvres

Camouflage Cat on R&R

Very bad video .......

2011-08-20T17:07:00.001+01:00

....... of Austin disguised as an apron. The apron has "APRON" written on it, just in case there is anyone who might mistake it for a cat or something! He is practicing being incognito. It's his job. That's what he does. He also has to kill, or at least seriously thwack, anything that passes, particularly bits of rolled up paper.

I think he also might be sulking. We need to talk at some juncture!

Haiku Nil, Limerick Won

2011-08-15T22:24:00.003+01:00

I can't write Haiku

about Austin the Feline.

Will do limerick.

Young Austin while stalking a mouse

Climbed up to the top of the house!

He got such a fright

As he fell from a height

And landed on top of a grouse

There was a young tabby called Tigger

Who ate Austin's food with some vigour.

He rushed at the bowl,

the poor starving soul,

Each day he was rounder and bigger.

We are worried about Austin's addiction

to treats - this causes some friction!

He clawed mother's thumb,

so was kicked up the b*m;

He then sulked and had a conNIPtion.

* Please note that no animal was harmed during the writing of these limericks, though the odd human was bloodied!

Who's Irresistably Sweet?

2011-08-09T21:45:00.002+01:00

Austin got this award from his pal Mr Puddy. Now they are both irresistibly sweet! It is a tough thing to come to terms with when you're a macho mancat. But like Mr P, Austin is a tux and tuxies are just irresistible anyway. It's just something you have to get used to. So thanks Mr P :) xx

Now the rules state that Austin has to say seven things about himself that are hitherto unknown, and then to pass award on to fifteen others. The first will be interesting from my point of view and the second will be impossible. So we'll deal with the interesting first before explaining the impossible.

Austin, the keyboard's all yours.

1) חגםנ הלכח φκλβδ φκλδξιθς ρθξη
(ok just making a small adjustment to the international keyboard button)

1) I'm not terribly good at learning new things, or at least that's the impression I work hard to convey. I live by the adage "Blessed is she who expecteth nothing, for she shall not be disappointed".

2) No one knows where I came from and I'm not about to let on now as I might be sent back and I like it here.

3) I have this thing about cleaning my right ear when I am having serious lap time. I can't help myself even though I try hard not to do it. It's comforting. She-who-knows-everything thinks I need help to overcome this compulsion, but I know she sucked her thumb until she was twenty-four. The words pot, kettle, black, come to mind!

4) I actually do know how to use the cat flap into the summerhouse, but I choose not to, as I like to make my senior human staff member trek up the garden to open the door as it is good for her.

5) My best pal is Tigger and he comes over and we hang out and chill together. Sometimes we fight and get on each other's nerves and sometimes I attack him all of a sudden like, so he doesn't get ideas about staying forever.

6) I am called Austin because I'm named after a make of car, apparently. When I was very little, I was cold so I climbed inside a car engine to keep warm. Bit silly really. All of a sudden my leg was bleeding and I was hurt. A vet mended it very nicely, but I have a bit of a lumpy place on my back. However, it doesn't hinder me climbing, jumping, scrapping, playing, patrolling, thinking, lounging, napping, stretching or scratching furniture. The only time I feel a twinge is when my human tries to make me go outside when it is cold.

7) I was fed up with my compact and bijou residence in the conservatory, so I kicked up such a fuss that now I have the run of the whole house all day AND ALL NIGHT!!! Hehehehehe!

It's me, the mere human again. Hmmmmm. Slightly more revealing than I felt was absolutely necessary!

Now as to passing on to fifteen worthy blogs. I've thought and thought and decided that as every blog I visit is irresistible and/or sweet, all of you are worthy of the award, so take it if you would like to have it. I know, I know. Cop out. But hey, I'm only human ☺

In which Austin is very helpful in the garden

2011-08-04T17:00:00.004+01:00

If you just dig the hole about .... here!

When you've done that, come this way, there's a clematis that needs some attention ....

Ok, in your own time!

It's only a darn hole. A cat could grow old waiting. Oooh! our paws are touching!

A little bit of tail tickle behind the knee usually gets him moving!

Here are a couple of shots of Austin's crocosmia hideaway

The bush is stunning when in full colour, but has sadly reached the end of its season. I dread to think what the cats get up to behind there!!

If Mr Puddy should swing by, Austin is still working on his seven things and he can't be hurried!!!!

Sofa So Good!

2011-07-31T21:16:00.001+01:00

What you say you lost? £1?

Got a torch?

Not much room to move here!

Would a couple of pen tops and a boiled sweet do instead?

Three ways ......

2011-07-26T21:38:00.001+01:00

.......that Austin makes me chuckle (inwardly!)

1) The way he rushes up to me arching his back; screeches to a halt three feet away; makes like a crab; sidles; clonks his furry bod against me and then cuddles my leg with his lovely long tail, before returning to his extremely important business project that's ongoing behind the crocosmia.

2) The way he talks to me with barely audible little chirrups; just touching base; making sure we're still ok.

3) The way he looks me straight in the eye, blinks slowly before going all coy and rolling over on his back waving his front paws. I believe he knows that all those years ago I went to the rescue centre to get a dog!

Next time Austin says he will list three things he tolerates about me (negotiations about keyboard access are at a critical juncture and talks could break down).

Cat Flap Result .... (sort of)

2011-07-22T21:30:00.001+01:00

If you've been with me from the beginning (and I'm sure you haven't, as I never told anyone I was blogging for months!!) you will know about the cat-flap-in-the-shed saga. In September 2009 I posted the sorry tale "Getting into a Flap". Funny series of pictures, go on take a look!

Despite the initial flurry of excitement from Tigger who went in and out once, there has been nothing to indicate that the two have cottoned on to how the jolly thing works. Since then I've trailed up to the top of the garden (on sunny days!) to open up so the boys can sleep away the day. Good exercise for me, but a bit of a waste of a cat flap! Until today ... nearly two years on!

I went up to do the usual and Austin for some reason didn't want me to go? He threw himself bodily against my legs meowing and kicking up an awful fuss, impeding my progress to the point of me either having to fall over, kick him, or stop. The first was undignified, the second, unthinkable and third was understandable. So I did the third followed by the first. Happily the second was avoided.

When I eventually arrived at the shed, to open the door, this is what I saw:

Doesn't he look pleased with himself? He'd managed, after all this time, to suss it out. It only took one year and ten months! I was so happy, I did a little dance. Well I would have done, if Austin hadn't been velcroed to my leg! I think he must have been a bit put out (yeah, out the shed!!). He went off and had a bit of a sulk.

Now all I need is for Tigger to teach Austin and we're sorted!

By the way, these photos come to you courtesy of my brand new Nikon Coolpix ;>) This is the case I got with it >^..^< I'm right chuffed!

I've been +1'd !

2011-07-18T21:08:00.002+01:00

I will never get my head around all the things you can do with stuff you find on the internet. You can buzz it, tweet it, digg it, fark it. You can bing, ping, ding, zing ...... whatever! You can like, peek, link, wink, blink. You can even dogpile and hotbot (though I don't think you can do both together!) Then there is, of course, Google.

Just lately, this little doohicky thingy has turned up everywhere on the internet. Have you noticed it?

And the question on everyones's lips down the supermarket is "Have you +1'd someone today"?

Well not that I'd noticed! Could I have done it accidentally? Is it legal? Is it safe? Should one see a doctor? I have once again descended into the morbid flux of online paranoia. Even more so now, because I've got a +1 option appearing on the bottom of each blog post and what's more someone has +1'd me on my last post!

This is a tad worrying. What will happen to me? Has my card been marked? Will I be sought out by the blog police? Will I and my blog be sent to Google Room +101 for decontaminating and be subjected to untold Orwellian horrors?

It seems the end is nigh ...... sigh!

So, I've girded my loins and had a rummage around google (I googled google!!), being careful not to accidentally +1 anything that can come back to bite me, and it came up with something called Google+, but without the 1. Before I knew it (thanks Dave!) I found myself "hanging" out in "streams", "sparks" and "circles" as I signed up on yet another social networking site! It's more than this agéd crone can cope with.

However, I am still not absolutely certain as to what the jolly +1 button is and why it is ubiquitous on the interwebs? Personally, I feel there is more to it than meets the eye! Is it perhaps an option (say, like on satelite TV) which allows you to access a website an hour later if you can't be faffed now? "They" say it's similar to the facebook "like" button, but I don't know. Proof will be when folk start saying "I +1 you very much. Will you have dinner with me?" And then of course, what do you do if you don't like something? Is there going to be a -1 button?

Ok let's be serious. I've been +1'd and I've got to come to terms with it. It's a .... you know .... fate accomplished.

I definitely +1 this picture :D

And ..... breathe ........ Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Got to go, I think someone's just farked me !

The Quilt Digression

2011-07-15T17:02:00.001+01:00

This, as the title says, is by way of being a digression, which is allowed under the CATachresis rules of engagement.

I thought I'd put in some pictures of a few quilts made by my very talented aunt. She was a nurse/midwife for over 30 years and most of that time she lived in Nelson, British Columbia, Canada. She is now 83 and lives her retirement years back in her birth town of St Ives, Cornwall, England.

This is the quilt she made for me about 25 years ago and is a design comprising the flower symbols of the Canadian provinces:

It is a beautiful, bright and rich in colour. It makes you feel good just to look at it.

This next one is called "Stars in the Garden" from the "Piece O Cake" design:

The last one in this little show is called "Rose of Sharon" (I think) and was a present to my parents. My mother still has it on her bed.....

...... and this is the quilt that shields Austin when the traumas of his little life become too overwhelming!

I would like to apologise for the poor quality of the pictures, as they don't do the beautiful works of art justice! It's a mixture of poor photographer and an "aim 'n shoot" camera. But I hope you get a general idea :)

Don't Mess with your Kitty!

2011-07-12T21:03:00.024+01:00

Austin here. My good pal Mr Puddy wants stories about how humans try and mess with us kitties. There is no one big story, but just a rule of claw to be noted by chief human slave. So here goes:

If I want your attention and you don't respond immediately, I will become BIG CLAW and wreak havoc. Hehe hehe hehe he...... .

AND more specifically, if you close any door to me, I will not be held responsible for what BIG CLAW does:

Carpet outside door to bedroom!

Lesson for my human : Don't Mess with Ya Kitty ; )

Name of Kitty : Austin da Kool

Kitty's Weapon : The BIG CLAW

Austin proves Fibonacci

2011-07-10T16:52:00.010+01:00

I think Fibonacci got his spiral ideas from a cat!!

To be precise I think it was Austin!

What do you think?

Happy Sunday >^,,^<

The Story of Ivy (Edited)

2011-07-08T10:14:00.002+01:00

This is Ivy and she needs some help. You can read about her on Jan Mader's blog Animal Talk.

She's a sweet good natured little thing and she can have a good life. She just needs some help getting started.

Thanks for reading >^,,^<

Edit
PS Update on Austin. He passed a better night sleeping on my chair. Plenty of rain, but no thunder. He thanked me this morning by leaving a (dead) little gift outside my bedroom window!! Not really appreciated, but hey, it's the thought that counts!

Storm clouds

2011-07-07T21:55:00.017+01:00

Austin was in a state of agitation when he ~~was let~~ got out of his bed this morning. I had no idea why? He was meowing as if he was auditioning for Cats the musical. Well we know he would make the best Mr Mistoffelees. However, he was not his usual cheerful cocky self; not by a long chalk. It wasn't until much later I found out that we'd had torrential rain and thunder in the night! Now I vaguely remember some kind of explosion, but put it down to a dodgy prawn salad!

So, bless him, as he is terrified of loud noises, he's been like a limpet all day. Even when we (myself and the materfamilias) tried to go for a walk up the road, he followed us doing his I'm-a-pathetic-orphan-no-one-loves-me mew.

We decided to be firm with him, so strode along determined to shut out the sound of the plaintive cries. However, not too much ground had been covered before I weakened and decided to go back, because the last I saw of him he was heading for the thick bushes in a neighbour's garden which I knew had a large dog in it.

Some of the sorry tale was logged on my rubbish 10 quid mobile phone:

I eventually managed to retrieve him from some bushes and even though I couldn't see him, I could hear him. He didn't let up with the wailing.

Let's go home. Pleeeeeez!

So where is he now?

My poor baby. I feel like the worst kind of hard hearted, brute of a monster. So tonight he will probably be sleeping nice and cosy under my duvet and I will be in the doghouse!

The Window Cleaner Cometh and other Miscellany

2011-06-30T18:01:00.001+01:00

Danny the window cleaner came today. This, in itself, is not a particularly noteworthy event (except he is a bigger and better looking version of Tom Cruise .. ... with Bermuda shorts and shades! Be-still-my-beating-heart). But after the magnificent exhibition of bravado Austin displayed a day or two ago, he seems to have reverted to type!

You might have noticed I did a quick scan over the quilt (moving into Max territory here!) because it is one of the dozens made by my Aunt over the years and is gorgeously splendid. And this is where Austin goes when he is really "scareded". Bless!

By the way, just in case you're thinking what's with the sudden mania for video clips? It is because:

a) I've discovered the video button on my iPad2 and

b) I've finally managed to gain entry to my YouTube account.

There were one or two false starts with the camera thingy.........

...... but there is quite a bit to get to grips with! After a lot of poking around and a few (hundred) accidental splodge pics added to my album, I realised there were two tiny, itsy bitsy cameras and it all started to become clear. I mean, it doesn't make sense to just put one on the bit you look at on the front? Unless it's for the narcissist who only wants to take photos/videos of himself all day long? Wouldn't have thought that was a particularly good marketing ploy, myself!

Anyway there are two. One on the front and one on the back. So that's all right. Excellent for looking at yourself (if you want to check your lipstick or pick food out your teeth) AND at the same time if you happen to be in the mall you can quickly scan the immediate vicinity for a potential flashmob or some other annoying public nuisance and take the necessary action. Smiles all round :>)

Talking of smiles, if you would like to see the ultimate in digital photoframes - and missed it on facebook, here it is:

Just in case there is any doubt, I'm the hirsute one in the middle ....... I think? :~}

Hero

2011-06-27T16:41:00.028+01:00

...... in which Austin discovers his inner warrior and contrives to overpower and subjugate a big, nasty, bully of an armchair .....

...... and succeeds!!!

Keeping Close

2011-06-26T17:10:00.001+01:00

I don't know why, but Austin is sticking very close at the moment? There was a Big Ginge incident the other morning; in fact several mornings. That could be it! Big Ginge is the only creature with fur that seems to frighten him and the other morning he actually had the temerity to come in the conservatory window! Austin was sitting on the fence and playing it cool. But he wasn't cool. I could tell because he'd got that stary look he gets when he's all of a flummox.

All cat people recognise that look. You know, the one where the cat is seemingly mesmerised by something just to the right of you and down a bit. Only the cat knows what horrors are there.

Therefore he's been spending a lot of time looking over his shoulder and of course as looking over one's shoulder AND eating is not possible without doing oneself a mischief, I've been seconded yet again as watcher of back and lookout during meal times. I've even been considering laying a place for him at table, but am afraid his table manners might be too refined and genteel for the likes of us.

Actually, Austin, I said lay a place "at" table, not "on" table!

So everywhere I turn now I trip over a small black (and white) furry rug.

He looks kind of small and vulnerable :(

Even in the garden he has his hidey hole:

Oh there's that look again!

However he's not the only one to be afraid of Big Ginge! The hebe bush is a place of refuge for the hunted.

One of these days I'll be up early enough in the morning to catch sight of the ginger striped menace.

Seriously, do any of my cat blogger friends know how to reassure a 4 and a bit year old nervous cat?

I have also been considering getting another rescue cat, a younger one :)) I thought perhaps a young adult neutered female?

Input would be very much appreciated :)))

PS I'm getting obsessed by stats again. Why would someone in Iran be interested in a cat blog from Wales? The world is so small.

Caption?

2011-06-22T12:51:00.002+01:00

For my next trick ........... ?

Me Me!

2011-06-16T21:08:00.016+01:00

What the turkinall is a me me? Where do you go to get answers about such knotty issues of egocentrism and existential soul searching?

Wiki of course!

So after a good deal of umming and ahing and fumbling with the keyboard, I accidentally stumbled across "meme". That'll have to do.

Definition:

a me me (or "meme" in some schools of thought) is an idea, behavior or style that spreads from person to person within a culture (bit like the plague). While genes transmit biological information, memes are said to transmit ideas and belief information >^ʘʘ^< It's from the ancient greek word μίμημα apparently!

There you go. Now we are all informed and can enthrall folk at dinner parties for the forseeable.

Anyway Austin has been tagged to take part in a me me by the guys and gals over at The Meow Factor. Thanks :D. So after plenty of meaningful negotiation and interventions by the arbitration service and as it's all about me me me me, he has agreed to do it! There are six questions. So here goes:

1. Where do you like to hang out?

Wherever my blanket is, of course

2. Who is your kitty crush?

I only have eyes for my decidedly inferior, two legged (mostly) hairless senior staff member who panders to my every whim.

NB that's what she told me to say ...... more-or-less!

3. What is your favourite scent?

Comfort™ infused blanket!

4. What is your favourite TV show?

Top Cat (what else?)

5. What is your favourite movie?

The Dogs of War

6. What is your favourite feline wisdom?

Always be dignified

And for free, my final bit of Forrest Gump wisdom is "Life is like a big itch, you never know where it's gonna get you next!"

Now in order to play this properly, I am supposed to tag some other poor unfortunates, but as I don't want to stress anyone unduly, I'm just going to shout out some names and see if any ~~mug~~ mog who's not already been memed to bits wants to take it up:

Max of the Quilt fame

Wally and/or Ernie the Island Cats

Mr Puddy ♥♥♥xx♥♥♥

Ok so you don't want to do it! But hey just think of the free exposure you're getting! My following is massive: I have a reader in Uzbekistan☺

A Day in the Life .......

2011-06-11T20:06:00.000+01:00

..... of Austin the put-upon cat!

I accidentally deleted this post!! Can't believe I did it??? Anyway I've retrieved it as best I could, but alas without the lovely comments :(((((

PS If anyone remembers a different time scale, please feel free to interpose! Although thanks to the guys over at Katnip Lounge, Austin has now introduced scuffling into his daily itinerary at around about 14.28 !!!

04.29 Where is everyone? I'm good to go here! Sun's up, bird's are lining up for breakfast. Bam bam bam let me outta here!

07.00 Lost the will to live now

07.14 What time do you call this? If you think I'm going to do the I'm-so-glad-to-see-you all over body rub you've got another think coming!

08.05 Ok how many want to chase the light around the ceiling?

08.07 Bored now

09.14 Goody .. foooooooooood!

09.15 Nap time!

10.15 Leave me alone!

10.16 Brushhhhhhhhh!

11.15 Leave me alone!

11.16 Brushhhhhhhhh!

13.15 Don't even think about it!

14.15 I do not want to be cuddled!

14.16 Brushhhhhhhhhh!

14.17 Please put your lap in the horizontal position, thank you!

14.19 Why! Don't you like being massaged?

14.20 Oh for Pete's sake!

16.29 I love you so much!

16.30 Foooooooooood

16.31 Brushhhhhhhhh!

16.35 I'm not sitting here for my health you know. Open the door! Woddya mean, it's raining?

16.36 It's raining at this door too?

16.38 ... and this one .... Why don't you have a door where it's not raining?

16.40 Wanna play tag?

16.41 Bored now

16.42 Nap time

20.29 Out!

20.31 In!

20.33 Out!

20.35 You coming out or what?

22.36 Not coming in

22.37 Not coming in

22.38 Not coming in

22.43 Ok no need to get violent!

22.44 Brushhhhhhhhh!

22.45 Lap

22.46 Fooooooooood

22.47 Wanna play tag?

22.48 Don't wanna go to bed!

22.51 Ok nap time

00.01 That's long enough. You can let me out now!

00.02 Bam bam bam Pleeeeease!

00.03 Well I didn't really want to anyway.

00.04 Nap time

04.29 Where is everyone? I'm good to go here! Sun's up, bird's are lining up for breakfast. Bam bam bam let me outta here!

Aaaaargh! Sometimes I just wanna eat my own paw!

iPawed

2011-05-27T20:24:00.023+01:00

Poor Austin. His life is one big trauma at the moment. Not only is Toby the Tibetan Terrier making one of his not infrequent visits, there are also a couple of strange men in the garden .... in HIS garden doing strange things with bits of wood and nails. What's more, Big-Ginge-from-over-the-back has been making official visits as part of his EU brief to regulate feline garden use. It's enough to turn a beleaguered tux into a smooth white.

He is so distrait that eating is only possible when a trusted member of his staff stands real close and keeps a constant lookout, all the time murmuring soft words into a swivelling ear. This same member of staff also has to fight off all enemy marauders, throwing herself bodily in the path of incoming attackers and taking the flack, nigh-even-unto-death! He says it's in the contract which we both signed before he agreed to take me on.

As things were getting a bit desperate, in an effort to distract His Dolefulness the Mope, I decided to employ a diversionary tactic or two. I'm not sure if they worked quite as one would have wished!

You need to note here that the iPad was on with a cat app open; i.e. it was there for the express purpose of feline entertainment! To be precise it is a virtual goldfish swimming around under the screen that disappears and returns when touched, just you can't really see it cos of the flash. Sigh!

What's that?

Hmmmmm?

Bit weird! Where's the water?

Perhaps if I just stick my paw .....?

Nah, changed my mind.. !

Got a bit of an itch now ....

May as well do a proper job while I'm down here!

Oh well! A diversion is a diversion whatever form it might take .......

Language and Friendship

2011-05-22T11:04:00.001+01:00

subtitled ~~The Mad Ramblings of an Elderly Nutter~~ The Cogent Thoughts of a Wise Old Sage.

The hiatus while Blogger was thowing a hissy fit caused me to have a thunk about how we (the cyber generation) have come to rely on the internet in nearly every area of our lives, but especially when it comes to friendship.

Actually I should admit here that I am from the pre-cyber generation, but trying hard to be hip and cool and up with the tekky stuff. When I was young there were just two channels on the telly, which my dad had constructed out of several valves and a cathode ray tube. The screen was tiny - about the size of an iPad but the box it was in, was huge.

As children we played out all day with the other kids in the street. We didn't go home unless we were bleeding really badly. We devised all kinds of games and scams; we were best friends and worst enemies. We went to school together and some of us even went to church together. We did facetime for real. To us the word "virtual" meant "not actually, but nearly".

What about now?

Well, you can be bosom buddies with someone the other side of the world you've never met and never likely to meet - other than in their "not actual" persona. You spend all your leisure time looking at a screen that varies in size from 3" x 4" to 3' x 4'. You talk and write in something called txtspk. IMHO ASAIC it's OMDB. It doesn't WFM, but RBTL WC it's WF TM. Living life in acronyms with "nearly" people..... YSW. Nuff!

So we gather in these "not actually, but nearly" communities which are based on shared interests rather than geographical location. It is global not local. It is virtual, but none the less it is the new reality. And when you get fed up with talking to pixelled faces on a time lag or txtng into the ether, you just press a button and they are no more.

So with the advent of txtspk and the community now global, deconstructed language and reconstructed friendships now inform the world in which we live.

What next do you think? Gruntspeak? It won't be long before the "now" generation will be speaking fluent troglodyte. And then before you know it, thinking will become the universal language. No need to translate as what you think will automatically transmitted through the airwaves and understood by osmosis. It's a terrifying prospect! The thought police will become a living reality and the voicebox will become unnecessary.

Yep, there is a seismic shift in the concept of friendship and the use of language, but maybe it's not all bad when you realise that the term "keeping in touch" now has a whole new exciting dimension to it. Horizons are broadened when the world can now be streamed into your bedroom through your laptop, iPhone or iPad..... and very soon it will just be a chip in your brain. Better there than on your shoulder?

The Art of Communication. My favourite clip from YouTube from the talking cats series.

What was I saying about a rambling nutter?

Silly Sunday (I know it's Monday, that's why it's silly!)

2011-05-16T12:27:00.006+01:00

Where is he?

I dunno!

Aaaaargh! Alien Eyes!!!!

Two can play at that game!!!

Told you it was silly. Have a nice day♥

Just an ordinary cat.

2011-05-10T21:01:00.002+01:00

Having recently finished reading the amazing story of Homer the Blind Wonder Cat, I have had to face up to the fact that Austin, much as I love him, is just a fair-to-middling kind of puss.

Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that his eyes and ears are working. Ok, he has a wonky hip, but it doesn't seem to hinder him jumping and wriggling - in fact he's quite a bendy cat. But when it comes to getting up to mischief, he seems to be missing a gene or two. For instance he doesn't seem particularly curious about dark holes, warm linen cupboards or the inner workings of the washing machine, and after 3 and a bit years his trips over the road in front of the house can be counted on one hand (as far as I know!)

To my certain knowledge, he's only done one roof walk and I think that's because he scared himself too much to try anything like it again. He freaks at the sound of rustling, but is quite chilled when Henry the Hoover is doing his dance with the long tail thingy. He does draw the line, though, at being frisked by Harry the Handheld when I try to cut corners during the Big Moult!

He comes when called. I suppose that's quite unusual. Oh and there is, of course, the B-R-U-S-H habit. I get the hint (several times a day) when he rushes and headbutts the drawer where the B-R-U-S-H is kept. There follows much creaking of knees (mine) and deafening purrs (his) as we play out the ritual of the all over body massage and whisker realigning. This activity is his drug of choice nowadays and is rated way above catnip and fabric conditioner! This I know I've mentioned before! He even lets me B-R-U-S-H his tummy without giving in to the temptation to maul my hand. He's realised there is a law called "effect and cause" - if he effects scratchy/bitey, it will cause me to leak red stuff and stop.

This detente doesn't extend to cuddling though. I so wanted a cat to cuddle at will. Sadly, it is not to be. He is the cuddler and I am the cuddlee. This has meant, over the years, that harsh words, bites and claws have been exchanged on many occasion. In fact I've pawsed in the narrative to go and test this once again, only to emerge with a thick lip and a bloody nose :(

Yet when he wants cuddles, there is nothing I can do except sit and receive his love and droolly nuzzles. If I don't sit, he nags. Oh yes he does! He's found that verbal bullying gives him a buzz and me an earache. I give in and he positions himself so he's well wedged between my knees with his front paws stretched out around my ankles, so that the slightest movement results in a piercing of the flesh quickly followed by a piercing shriek!

Austin's verbal dexterity is quite well developed. I have seen the little cogs working in his brain from day one:

Humans are so thick, they don't understand the subtle nuances of cat body language.

Humans need upgrading.

If Microsoft had created the human, it would still be the beta version - plenty of bugs and needing patches!

We cats are already alpha ++

It is obvious that humans have not participated in the evolutionary process in quite the same way as we cats. They are barely on the first rung of the ladder. We cats have managed to claw our way up to the top rung and can look out rather imperiously over our catdom. Humans, however, are still at the point of searching out the recipe for primeval soup.

So we cats need to exhibit extreme patience while we educate, elucidate, enlighten ..... and, if all that fails ........ MEOW very LOUDLY!

Actually Austin seems to have things pretty well sussed for just an ordinary cat!

Oooops! Our highly evolved superhero seems to have his head wedged under the bookcase!

A Lazy Sunday Afternoon

2011-04-24T21:28:00.001+01:00

"S'alright Tigger, just give her the 'look' and she'll go away."

Haiku

2011-04-22T17:12:00.003+01:00

cat sun bask roll stretch;

time has no meaning for him.

a dog would go fetch!